Who Are You Compared To?
February 14, 2008 
1 Comment
This morning I read a great article asking the question: “Is Eli Manning Overrated?”
For those of you who don’t follow the NFL – or those of you who could care less about professional football – stick with this post as I promise it is related to ADHD.
There are a few arguments in this article that can make GREAT lessons for how your child struggles with ADHD.
Most people look at a child who struggles and compares them to “normal children.” That’s insane! I don’t care if your child has ADHD or not. No one, and I mean no one, should be comparing any child to anyone. Each child is different and needs to be compared to the growth they are making as an individual.
That said, here’s what I pulled out of this article that I think is important enough to mention about ADHD:
- Eli Manning was compared to other “mediocre” quarterbacks who have won the Super Bowl, only to have non-impressive career, following their wins.One of these quarterbacks mentioned was Ben Roethlisberger.
- Eli Manning was compared to the best in the game. This is one surefire way of keeping a good child down. Not everyone is going to be the best. Bottom line. While we all want our children to succeed, not all of them are going to be superstar athletes and high-profile, millionaire CEO’s.
While the author recognizes Ben’s less than incredible post-Super Bowl performance, he also points out that Ben was in a near fatal motorcycle accident.
Lesson here: What other events are contributing to your child’s struggles?
Lesson here: Who are you comparing your child to?
So then, if we are going to compare our children to anyone, let’s compare them evaluate their growth on how they progress from one day to the next. That’s it!
I have always told my patients – Each of us has one, maybe two, unique talents where we can really excel at life. Take Michael Jordan – arguably one of the greatest professional basketball players in the history of the NBA.
What happened when he tried to play baseball?
PS – If you don’t know the answer – he didn’t do so well and returned to basketball.
Ok you got me on this one! As an intense football – correction Steelers football – fan I could feel myself say “Hey!?!” as I began to read about Big Ben in your message. I was good and read to the end though and again with this message you are so right. I’ve had an experience where my son’s first grade teacher compared him and his handwriting ability to other children in the class. My outrage came from two points – first as his mother and fierce protector and champion for supporting where he needs it and celebrating his successes as well as a seasoned early childhood education professional who knows that you just don’t compare one student to another and definitely not to a child’s parent. I let the teacher know in a professional and parental way that I would not accept her comparing my son to the other children, that any kind of review should include his work over the course of the year to see if it had improved or if there were new concerns to address. This all occurred prior to a full round of tests and discovering that yes he does have ADHD, but also is incredibly gifted. Thank goodness his teachers in the past two years have been nothing like first grade. All parents find themselves comparing their children to each other or to children in the neighborhood etc. We can’t expect teachers not to fall into the same trap. It’s good to see this reminder to let children live up to their own potential – not someone elses.