Relationship Building With Your Child

From the days when I was still living under my parents roof, and especially as I approached the decision of becoming a parent myself, I was always very aware of the relationship patterns that many parents have with their children.  While I had very supportive parents, they also really just wanted me to follow their rules and do what I was told.

I grew up in a house where the bottom line answer was:

“I am the parent, you are the child!”

That was the response that signaled the end of the conversation.  No matter how unfair or incorrect my parents were, that closed the conversation.  I knew that.  I accepted it, but it frustrated me because that type of response generally indicated that they knew they were wrong or mistaken.

What Type Of Relationship Do You Want With Your Child(ren)?

One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make with their children is assuming that things will work out just because…  But when you just let life happen, it’s sort of just a free form that will develop without any influence or direction.

As you consider the challenges that you face as the parent of a child with ADHD, I’d like to ask you to consider one very important question before you start to think about managing their behavioral problems:

• What type of relationship do you want with your child?

Finish with the end in mind.  Yesterday I shared with a client that there is no “right way” of doing things.  In fact, the right way might just be doing the exact opposite of what is necessary.  That’s just the nature of trying to change difficult behavior or complex situations.  You have to be willing to try new things, and you have to be prepared for the challenges that arise from these new situations.

By thinking ahead to the type of relationship you want with your child, it will help guide you through what choices to make in terms of discipline, punishment, reward, discussions, and so much more…

Me?  i want a collaborative relationship with my children.  I want them to know that first and foremost, I am their father.  I need them to understand that there are certain expectations in the father – child relationship. But I also want a relationship where I can spend time with my kids and enjoy them for the unique individuals they are…  This mentality guides exactly how I parent my children, and how I help my clients work on relationships within their family.

What Type Of Relationship Do You Want?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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