Parents And Teachers Unite To Support Your Children With ADHD
March 15, 2012 
8 Comments
Yesterday on the Help Your ADHD Child Facebook page, a very frustrated mother posted that the teacher’s at her daughter’s school were suggesting a medication evaluation.
I don’t know if I read into things too much, but it came across that the school was politely trying to hint that this child needs an increase in her ADHD medications.
Perhaps it was the tone I gave to the e-mail, and my natural instinct to respond with compassion and support.
Any way you cut it, I re-posted her question so all of our “fans” would see this question and have a chance to offer their thoughts.
Mind you, I’m married to a teacher, so of course I asked for her thoughts on the matter as well. It seemed a little out of sorts, and beyond the scope of practice, for a teacher to suggest a medication re-evaluation.
It’s of course certainly okay…even harmless…to inquisitvely ask how the ADHD medications are working at home…
But it’s certainly NOT acceptable or allowed (by any means) for a teacher to imply a child needs a higher dose of medications.
The Response
Responses quickly poured in. Many, if not all, were very supportive and compassionate to how this Mom was feeling. Some even offered suggestions about how to interact with the schools to facilitate a productive discussion to help this child.
All in all I thought it was a very productive and supportive discussion. You could feel the passion in the posts, and it was no surprise (to me) at just how polarizing this topic was, pitting teachers against parents.
Having asked a good friend of mine (who happens to be a teacher) to review the discussion and add some thoughts, I soon after called it a night feeling good that there were balanced perspectives.
Concern
I woke up this morning to an incredible e-mail from one of our fans. She indicated that she was a little concerned about the tone in the discussion, and the underlying negative message being sent.
She was right…
It was negative to the degree that teachers were being marked as the enemy.
And believe me…I didn’t pick up on it myself…because even I have been known to engage in some friendly teacher bashing and banter.
After all, one of the most common frustrations I hear from parents of children with ADHD is about teachers who constantly (allegedly) refuse to follow 504 plans and IEPs.
I hear about (and have personally experienced) teachers who seem unwilling to cooperate or work with students who learn differently.
BUT…I do feel it is necessary to balance these feelings about teachers, not only because I am married to a teacher, but because I honetly believe teachers are an important (invaluable) part of building a support team for any child, especially a child with ADHD.
The Sides
Teachers are in a position to see our kids in a particular environment. They watch how our children learn, interact with others, and make sense of material that is presented to them.
In addition to instruction, teachers must also be skilled in managing a classroom of kids.
Where most of us have 2-3 kids, a teacher is often responsible for classes upwards of 20-30 students. Imagine being in that classroom with 2-3 students who have different learning styles and challenges.
No…I am not defending them or letting them off the hook. Part of this job, as teacher, is to learn how to support and reach children with different learning styles. After all, we don’t all learn the same.
Parents are charged with the duty of raising their children…and by definition, we parents typically get pretty emotional and protective of our children.
We want the best for them. It is often hard to accept differences, and sometimes…maybe sometimes…there is a bit of taking responsibility for these differences.
As a parent of a child with ADHD, it’s NOT uncommon to feel alone…and up against a battle with everyone you meet. After all, most people don’t understand ADD / ADHD. It’s a fact. We just have to accept it.
To Succeed
No matter the situation, this fan who wrote me made a good point. She remarked, “Do you think people take the time to put themselves in the other person’s shoes (i.e., the teacher) to see what they are up against?
I couldn’t help but nod along as I read this question.
She’s right. To fully understand a person’s individual situation, and struggles, we have to put our differences (and biases) aside, and see things in their shoes.
The best advice I can offer is to build a large support staff or network with as many people in your child’s corner as possible. Turn frustrated teachers into allies, by nurturing relationships and letting them know just how far you will go to get your child the help he (or she) NEEDS to succeed.
NOT DESERVES, BUT NEEDS!
Now, as I mentioned earlier, I am no stranger to come down pretty hard on teachers, doctors, therapists, and other professionals working with these children. I do so because I am pretty fed up and frustrated with all the ignorance of how these kids get treated. But, please know, the best and most direct path to supporting your childis to find a way to work with these individuals and not against them.
Husband and I are off to a teacher-principal-counsellor meeting right now. I will keep these thoughts in mind, along with the advocate thoughts you sent yesterday.
We do need a team effort, for sure.
Praying for the right words and attitude from all.
wt
Can I just say that my sons form tutor has helped us sooo much over the last 3 years and as I don’t see how he behaves at school I am pleased when she rings me to say his medication isn’t working as well as it has been that is my que to go and get his medication reviewed and my son moves school in September and I am dreading them not being so understanding xx
I think as parents it is important to remember that we seldom have to have our children adhire to a structured enviroment for 7 hrs at a time.We also do not have to inspire instruct encourage praise discipline 18-32 children at one time for this time period. How many of us are feeling harried by the end of a 3 day weekend, 2 week winter break, summer vacation? Many times we expect more of others than we ourselves can do.
As far as medication is concerned we put off making that decision as long as we possibly could and tried many alternative medicines and I cried and cried before giving the 1st pill. I was so afraid we would lose the unique little being that he is. We didn’t we provided a chance for the brillant person that he is to come out, for him to feel good about himself. We are on our3rd medicine and we finally have a medicine and a dosage that works for both us and his school, daycare the rest of the world. He still has some days where nothing works but they are never as bad as his best day pre-med. His Dr. warned me that meds can become ineffective and some just don’t work for some children. I make sure to keep all notes from his teacher and ask for her assessments of his behavior before his Dr. or therapist appointments that way when I am asked how is he doing I can give them something more than my assesssment from home at home behavior.
Did the mom ask the teacher what was happening that lead her to believe the child might need an upping of medication?
We all know that changes can throw our children out of kelter. Did something change at school or home? The questions are endless. Has she talked to her child about what is happening? Is another child or children egging this child on? Is the teacher confrontational with the child?
We can only try to provide our children with the skills to succeed in life we cannot do it for them but we can help by using all the tools available to us. The teachers and Dr. should be tools that we use to help when we have an ADHD child. It is up to us to be open minded and protective in order to Advocate for our children.
I don’t think it’s right for a teacher or school to demand a medication change, but I don’t think it is a bad thing for a teacher to ask about medication if s/he is seeing changes in behavior at school. S/he may be the first person to be able to observe a need for medication reassessment, as s/he sees a child for long periods of the day and under some stress and demands.
As an OT (and a parent)who has worked for over 20 years in the schools, I thank you, Rory, for that last sentence in your post. I have often seen parents come to meetings or conferences expecting a fight (and unwilling to listen), and of course they get a fight. Nobody wins, certainly the child doesn’t, and nobody is happy. This doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t advocate for their child–by all means, they should! But they also need to remember that very few children, whether they have an IEP or not, behave the same at home as they do at school, and the professionals at school also have a legitimate (and maybe different) viewpoint. Also, the needs and demands of the school environment are different from home. Expect to be part of a team discussion and team decision, but set priorities on what you think is important to push for, because the rest of the team may not agree with everything that you think is needed. Please STAR (Stop, Take a deep breath And Relax) before going into meetings or conferences. Try to listen to the reasoning of others with an open mind. You have a right to be listened to, but so do all the other members of your child’s team. Human nature being what it is, you will get more cooperation and better results if you are willing to be respectful as well as assertive, and not aggressive.
So many of the interventions that help kids with ADHD are good for all the students. It is difficult to understand why these changes can’t be made. So many times punishment is given and when a parent tries to find out “why” (what caused the behavior) the teacher thinks you are questioning the punishment. If they learned from the punishment then the “crime” it wouldn’t happen again, but after 10 or 20 of the same punishment for same “crime” you would think an educated person would see their method didn’t work and just perhaps the child is unable to do the requested behavior.
While I have had my frustratons with teachers I found if I kept trying to work with them, they eventually saw my side of things. When my daughter was a Sophomore in High School I found one particular teacher to be a great resource. I had suspected her medication was running out before the end of the school day because she did poorly in the last hour of the day for 2 years. I had a meeting with the principal and another teacher about a problem we had with summer school. I was introduced to a teacher who had my daughter in second hour and sixth hour. I told him that I suspected the medication was wearing off and asked for his help. He is the only teacher that saw her when she could focus and when she couldn’t. He could see that when she could focus, she did her work and he could see she was not “lazy”. I wished the school would have suggested we get things checked out. After years of her struggling in school I finally figured it out myself and by this time she hated school and believed she was stupid. I would have welcomed some direction as early as 3rd grade (now that I look back on it). I have made sure that when I find a teacher who seemed to take more time to help my daughter and was willing to work with me, I mentioned them in e-mails to the principal (who has also been very supportive). We all like to be thanked and/or recognized in our jobs when we have tried hard and teachers are no different. They have a very hard job and can be helpful if they have input from us parents.
As a mother of now a 16 yr old who has struggled throughout school, dignosis of ADD; on numerous meds in elementary years, than private school( which I must admit was the smartest yet financially exhausting move) now back in public…it is not a disorder that one outgrows. I did not like the person my son became when on medication. It was the choice of small class size or medication. Luckily, financially my husband and I felt it was a no brainer. No, I don’t believe teachers have the right to ask parents to re-visit medication. When anyone walks in “our” shoes than they can offer advice. I certainly found that out the hard way. Had to advocate again to get him in a program ( small LC classes ) that work. He is now passing core classes and feels better about himself. Like Dr. Rory says “find what motivates and is their passion” ( my son love cars) and support them in what they love!
I do feel for children who have ADHD, but then the majority DON’T! – and it does interfere with the children who want to learn – that is why we send our school. Teachers aren’t their to childmind difficult children! Every parent seems to just consider their own selfish needs. My daughter wants to learn but finds the disruptiveness causes huge problems for not only the teachers but all the children who do want to learn. Teachers just want to teach to receptive learners, they have a hard enough job as it is. You try it? I feel the teachers did nothing wrong in advising the parent to reevaluate their childs medication.