Ozzie And Harriet Don’t Live Here Anymore

This past weekend, I was kayaking with the custodial uncle of a child struggling with Asperger Syndrome.  I was really moved when he explained to me that he didn’t think it was that bad…  That was until his niece moved in with him and his wife.  Until then, he simply thought that his sister was making things up…  He thought that it was a matter of parenting style…

But that all quickly changed…

Despite being 2008, and some 50 years later, I am still shocked at the idea and pursuit of the “perfect family.”  Perhaps long ago, this idea existed…  Or at least it presented itself publicly.  Maybe back then everyone had their roles, and things worked a certain way.

Well, it should come as no surprise, but times have changed.

The idea that Mom stays home to cook, clean, and care for the children has long since passed.  The days when Dad left for the office to bring home the “bread” still exists, but in many circles it is just NOT enough.  And certainly the days when children were to be “seen and not heard” are long gone.

Fighting Progress

Today, we know that families are not what they once were, or what they once appeared to be.  In most cases, both parents are working outside the home.  And in many cases, both parents are working just to get by.  And YES, children are as rebellious as ever.

Whether or not you want to admit things have changed – they have.  It’s just the progress of time.  And you can either work with it, or fight it.  Some of it is society…  Some of it is perception…  Some of it is really something else…  It all changes from family to family…

Now this is a pretty broad generalization, but it’s one that deserves closer examination.  It’s just a sign of the times…  Isn’t it?  Or maybe it’s perspective.  Maybe it’s just that we have different goals today.But, reality exists and we cannot pretend to be something or someone we are not.

Perception Is Everything

Among the ADHD community, and public at large, many of us continue to think that “parenting”can cause so many problems.  “If only that kids parents would just discipline him more…”

That may have worked many years ago.  They may have worked when hitting a child’s fingers across the knuckles with a ruler was allowed.  And it might have worked simply because of the times.  Perhaps it was just that life was more structured back then…

Or maybe it is some mysterious “X-factor.”

One cannot overlook the sweeping themes impacting our society.  While parenting style does NOT cause these “problems,” it can greatly contribute to the experience.

NO – parents are NOT to blame.  NO – parents do not cause ADHD…even if they contribute to it by making excuses or explanations…

While times certainly have changed, some things have stayed the same.

Children need:

• Love
• Support
• Encouragement
• Consistency
• Reliability
• Mentoring
• Support (yep, on here twice)
• And more…

What’s The Point?

Don’t be fooled by what you see on the outside.  People work very hard to show us what they want.  But perhaps what is even more important today is what this one “dad” had to say about his new role.

“I thought my sister was making it up.  I thought she was creating excuses about how hard it was to raise my niece.  But now I get it!  Now that she lives with me…  I get it!”

If you are NOT getting the support you need from the people in your lives, then don’t just sit there and take it.  Raising a family is not easy.  It takes sacrifice, commitment, time, dedication, devotion, and so much more…

There is NO easy fix to what we struggle with.

The best advice I can offer you as a family, parent, or child…  Take a long hard look at what is going on in your immediate world.  Ask yourself some questions:

1. What I am using as an excuse?
2. How can I make a change today?
3. What would it be like to give someone the benefit of doubt?

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