Today, I hope to follow some of my own advice as my daughter embarks on a very memorable, and important milestone.

As a stay-at-home Dad, I have the great fortune to be with my children for all the good and the bad.  It has been an honor to raise my children, and to see their progress every single day.  But lately, it has become very difficult to balance and manage the developing wants and needs of my children along with having some time of my own (for work, play, peace of mind, etc…)

Long story, shortened up a bit, I have a very precocious daughter.  She is hungry to learn, and recently I have figured out that I have a tough time keeping up with what she wants to do to learn, and fill that hunger.  Enter pre-school.  Today, I dropped my daughter off for her first day.  She was very excited, and both her mother and I are thrilled that she will now have a very structured schedule to learn and grow - something she wants so badly.

Lessons Learned

Now to the “following my own advice bit.”  Right before New Year’s, I set up a new routine to be more organized, structured, and effective with how I use my time for business and pleasure.  Needless to say, this morning’s routine was entirely thrown off.   It was difficult, and in most cases, I would have thrown my hands up and called it a wash.

I started the routine just fine, fed the kids breakfast, started to get ready to take my daughter to school, and then life started to happen.  The car was iced over…  I had no ice scraper…  My daughter wanted to leave for school…  My son was getting tired…  All competing demands, and it added up rather quickly.

Quickly my routine was turned upside down, and I could have let my emotions get the best of me.  But  I used that routine…  I leaned on it a bit.  I benefited from the structure and stability (and familiarity)  that I had created.  In some ways, I stuck to my routine.  Yes, it was quite different, and I am still a little off track.  BUT, I am staying committed to my routine and fortunately it provided an anchor for me to lean on as I embarked on this new journey with my daughter.

Having had this all organized this morning as I was rushing to get ready, it seems a little less pertinent now, but fortunately I am focusing on what I can get done, and how I will find the time to get more thigns done while adjusting to new events and circumstances.

But most of all, I am accepting that there will be a period of adjustment, and I need to work through rather than give up and feel defeated.  I have now blogged for the day, and will get back to my other schedule until I go pick up my precious girl.

Thanks for listening.

Could we say 90% ?  Is that too high?  I mean, I think it’s pretty fair to say that it’s more than 50%.

I don’t know the answer, but it makes ya think…  What else don’t we understand?  What else are we really confused about because of popular belief?

Well, I’m not here to be philosophical this morning.  I actually am just here to share that I continue to be amazed at what people are willing to share with others about ADHD (when they clearly just don’t get it).

This morning I came across the following question: Is It Bad To Have ADHD?

The question came from what appears to be a young adult — maybe even teen or younger — whose friends all think he has ADHD.  He described being hyper, having a difficult time paying attention, and not being able to sit still for very long.

Sounds like ADHD - but is it based JUST on this information?

Question:  Is it so hard to say, “I don’t know” instead of offering an opinion that is fueled by totally inaccurate information?

Here’s what some people offered up:

• A girl in my class has it, and she’s really and she has no friends.
• Yes, probably…
• Just have your Dr. prescribe you Ritalin and you’ll be fine.
• If you want to control it, just ask for more pills.
• It’s just ADD now - and not every kid has it.
• Just get some meds for it.
• It’s a mental disorder, it’s not a good thing

Well - I suppose there is some accurate information in there, but what happens when most of it is bad information (especially when children are asking the questions)?

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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Earlier today I was reading about ADHD and learning disabilities.  I found an interesting, yet questionable, article that correctly reported that ADHD is NOT a learning disability.  But here’s where the article lost me…  The author described a learning disability as a situation when a student excels in one area, but struggles with another area.  For instance, if someone is really good with Verbal tasks, but struggles with non-verbal tasks.

ADHD was identified as a condition where people struggle across the board - verbal, non-verbal, etc…  EXCUSE ME?!?!?!

It is common knowledge, or so I thought, that ADHD very rarely exists by itself.  In most cases, people are also struggling with anxiety, depression, a “true” learning disability, and the list goes on…  But don’t we all struggle?  Don’t we all learn differently?

At what point are we just going to come up with a label for everyone?

Oh yea, and by the way, doesn’t the above definition also describe what we understand as “giftedness?”  Perhaps we have competing labels for our children (and yes, adults too), and that the condition or label is in the eye of the beholder.

Is that possible?  Have we gone too far?  Have we gone overboard?

Are we so focused on labeling everything that we miss the mark on what an individual truly needs?

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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Knowing conditions like depression, and bipolar disorder are largely biologically based, I understand the necessity for using medication. While I don’t reach for medication (first) to treat ADHD, I do know that there are some people who swear by it. Fair enough! But it really burns me up when I see advertisements suggesting “if your current medication isn’t helping, then maybe you need more medication!”

So let me get this right… We take something that isn’t helping, we know it isn’t helping, and then we should consider taking more medication? Take more medication on top of medication?

Please know I am being a bit over dramatic on purpose here. I know certain medications work, whereas others don’t. I know that some medications are more effective for certain types of conditions, and various spinoffs of said condition. But it just fires me up that we would suggest these things - implied or other - without taking a look at the underlying issues.

Take depression - again, biologically based. Medication is absolutely one of the most important methods of treatment to start with. There are many benefits, but you don’t necessarily have to be on medication your whole life. At least not everyone needs to be…

But here’s the problem I see:

1. Medication works by “covering” up the symptoms.
2. Medication has become a catch all to provide simple solutions to complex problems.

The effect is that by “covering” up the symptoms, we start to feel better.  Great, right?  But with the symptoms covered up, some people will take this for granted and NEVER address the behaviors or habits that have been formed.  We are overlooking the underlying problems or root cause behaviors.  Eventually, people who feel better stop taking medication, and ultimately will fall back on their bad habits.

Shouldn’t we be addressing that?  Shouldn’t we insist upon providing people with the support and information that is vital to reaching health and wellness?  Trust me, I understand “therapy” claims to do that, but I’ve got my doubts…  Especially as a former therapist.

I’m NOT suggesting there is a silver bullet out there.  But I am a firm believer that we really need to take a really hard look at what is going on - and address that with as much devotion as we do with thinking medications are the answers.

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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Today I had the great pleasure to interview my colleague, and CogMed Working Memory training coach, Rebecca Shafir.  We talked for just about an hour, and covered a lot of ground.  Here are the questions we covered:

• What is working memory?
• What makes working memory so important?
• What are the signs of poor working memory?
• What is the CogMed Working Memory Training program?
• Who can beneift from CogMed training?
• What are the effects of Cogmed training?
• And so much more…

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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Let me say upfront, I’m NOT here to judge.  I am NOT here to Monday morning quarterback.  Rather, I wanted to share an experience that really shocked me…  Especially because I work with families, and sometimes I wonder how things have gotten to where they are.

The Scenario:

As I first entered the store, there was a mother standing in one of the main aisles near the checkout lines.  She was apparently trying to extinguish her son’s temper tantrum.  Seated in the shopping cart must have been her daughter (or another child).  She had a determined look on her face of getting out of the store, while her son was screaming and crying at the top of his lungs.  Apparently he wanted a new action-figure, and the mother told him “no.”

Easy enough, right?  Not so much in this case!

As the boy continued to scream and yell, the mother gave him a very clear choice.  She told him that if he continued acting this way, he would not be able to attend his friend’s birthday party.  I guess this was why they were shopping. Her exact words were, “If you keep this up, I guess we’ll just have drop the presents off and not stay.”

I liked that - clear choice with consequences and she left it up to her son.

Apparently the boy decided to call her bluff and the situation ERUPTED from there.

He continued to have his tantrum, and this mother chose to push forward.  He did his best to cling to the side of the cart, at one point even wedging his foot in front of one of the wheels.  The screaming continued (and not because he was hurt by the cart).

While he tried so hard to stop his mother, I then watched her kick his foot from blocking the wheel of the cart.  It didn’t look like she was “hurting” him, but the kicking motion got me thinking.  It made me wonder what type of message she was sending her child - (and I’ll be honest) it had me concerned for his safety.  Anyway, this boy didn’t budge.  He was determined, and the mother was equally determined to move his foot.

After finally giving way, the mother proceeded to the checkout, while her son continued his tantrum in the middle of the store.  After parting ways…the boy took off through the store (while still crying and screaming).  He darted to the toy section where he grabbed the toy he wanted, screaming for his mother (who was now checking out).  Unbelievably, the situation continued while I managed to return to my car and come back to the store.

Rather than go on with these agonizing details, let’s just say the temper tantrum continued and continued and continued.

I am NOT here to judge this mother’s decisions, her actions or the events leading up to this situation. Quite frankly, that’s not something I do.  I wasn’t there for all of it, but I did see it unfold.  I did watch curiously because I was amazed at some of the choices she made.

I think it was a “Howard Stern” moment - waiting to see what would happen next…  I was shocked when she “kicked” his foot out of the way.  I was blown away, when her son ran off in this store…  And I was speechless to see this continue and continue and continue for well over 30 minutes!

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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But I digress…

One of the “balance” exercises asks you to sit (on the balance board) in a very “Zen-like” state.  You cross your legs, and sit Indian style while focusing on a candle burning on your screen.  The object is to focus on the candle and avoid distractions… I don’t know how it works, but the sensors in this balance board know when your attention shifts, and that you have become distracted.

My first attempt…37 seconds.  Second attempt 65, and then 24 seconds…  Sitting still has never been more difficult…

BUT, that’s NOT the end of the story.  You see, I was trying to pay attention and focus while my 15 month-old son wanted attention.

The Result?

Competing attention…  Difficulty focusing…

What can I say?  My son wanted attention.  He saw Daddy sitting on the floor, and thought it would be fun to climb all over me.  Does that mean I was distracted?  Does it mean that I can’t focus and pay attention?

Or is this just another example of the many competing tasks we all face today.  Instead of thinking that you struggle with focus and attention, perhaps we need to ask more questions:

• What are we being asked to accomplish?
• Under what circumstances is this demand?
• Is the timing right?
• Are our actions reasonable at the present time?

There are beliefs that we all struggle with attention, focus, and distraction from time to time.  Those people with ADHD are suspected of having a difficult time more often than not.  Maybe it’s true…  Or maybe we need very specific circumstances under which we can flourish.

Either way — this got me thinking this morning!

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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There are a lot of people rushing to buy presents at the last minute…  Ingredients for dinner or snacks they may have forgotten…

This morning, the local news here in Boston was talking about how today would be even worse because of all the recent winter storms that have shut down roads, and kept people inside.  I can’t help but wonder how busy (and crazy) the stores will be today.  I for one - won’t be heading out to find out.

Here are some thoughts:

1. We often associate procrastination with ADHD, or ADHD-like behaviors.  But people with ADHD don’t have a monopoly on procrastinating.  We all do it.
2. This year is an excellent example of why putting things off can lead to increased frustration.  I always encourage people to get things done early, just so events that are beyond our control (like weather) don’t come back to get us in the end.
3. Sometimes procrastination can be a good thing.  While there are a lot of people in the stores acting frantically, there are likely some pretty smart shoppers getting some incredible last-minute deals.

I’m not gonna lie to you.  I don’t like to procrastinate, but sometimes I just do it.  There are times when I do on purpose, and then there are times when it just happens (bad procrastination).  The truth is of the matter is that procrastination can be both good and bad.  It’s all how you see things.

Some people do better under pressure.  Some people crave that pressure.  And then there are people who just like to get things done at the last minute.  I can’t, and I won’t, tell you whether or not procrastination is a good thing.  But I will ask you whether or not you have a goal in sight, and if you are working towards it.

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you.  Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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What parent enjoys or even remotely looks forward to the constant battle of trying wake up their child / teen and get them moving in the morning.  And that’s just the beginning.  Because we know that once you wake up your child, you still need to get them in the shower, dressed, room cleaned, bag packed, etc…

This is easily one of the most frequently discussed topics in my office.  It might NOT start out this way.  It might not even be the “chief complaint,” but you can bet on it that stressful mornings are one of the hottest topics among parents of children with ADHD.

And rightly so!

Starting the day with an argument or frustrating task does not set the right tone.  But what if it wasn’t your child’s fault?

I try to inspire my clients to accept differences, and not fight the challeneges.  I try to help parents understand that while the morning is difficult for their childre, there is likely a reason behind it.  This is even more true for children with ADHD.  While it might be easy to suggest that your child’s difficult routine is because of their ADHD - I don’t want you thinking that way.

Finally - PROOF!

Recent research has suggested that children (especially teens) need about 8-10 hours of sleep each night.  This article from CNN.com supports what I’ve been saying (and thinking) for years…even as a child going to school.  In a nutshell, children will perform better if they were allowed to get more sleep.

On top of it - and this is the BELL RINGER - is that children who start their school day 1 hour later (8:30 intsead of 7:30) have an easier time staying awake in class.

What’s The Real Issue?

• Is this really ground-breaking news?
• Is this only relevant to ADHD?
• Does this explain how children struggle in the morning?

I’ll let you decide the implications in your life, and for your child.  But for me, the bottom line, is that we know an awful lot of information from practical experience and years of routine.  YET — we don’t take this seriously and make changes or implement policy until “scientific evidence” supports what we know.

In this case, I’m pretty sure there has been research out for many years on this topic.  How will you use this information?

What Do You Think?

Let me know what you think about this by leaving your thoughts in the comments below.

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Who wouldn’t benefit from that?

Back in college, I remember students talking about using these medications like this (even those not prescribed) during exams or finals.  **This is something I DO NOT encourage or advise!

I’ve really stayed away from this discussion because quite honestly, it ranks up there about whether or not ADHD is even a real condition.  You all know how I feel about that…

Anyway, last night, my wife called my attention to a renewed debate about whether or not stimulant medications like Ritalin and Adderall offer students an unfair advantage?  The information I found suggests no evidence to support this benefit, but what frightens me the most is that we are having this discussion.  It’s NOT a good idea to suggest we supplement our childrens “diets’” with mind enhancing medication.

I found the following blog post on the US News and World Report website - if you’d like to read more.

For me — there are plenty of other natural ways to improve focus, concentration, working memory, and more…

What do you think?

I would love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below on your take!

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