Now I obviously won’t be talking about “Winning the Financial Game” like Harv does, but I couldn’t overlook one of his lessons that really applies to everything we do in life.

“Are you playing to win, or not to lose?”
~T. Harv Eker

As I heard T. Harv talk about this concept, it immediately simplified something I like to talk about but never quite found the words to sum it so succinctly or clearly.

When I think about a lot of my clients and the questions I get from readers like you, it’s not uncommon to hear from people that they are constantly playing catch-up or clean up from the day to day stress and frustration of parenting a child with ADHD (or just parenting in general, honestly).

The message I want to share this week, and the real takeaway lesson has to do with being active and not passive… It has to do with responding to situations, and NOT reacting.

These are subtle, yet important differences that can truly mean the difference between success or ongoing struggle with anything you face in life.

Another great thing Harv talks about is that most people don’t know what they want in life, but they certainly know what they don’t want.

Whether you are looking for financial freedom (as T. Harv talk about), or parenting a child with ADHD, the same applies again.

Without a clear ending in mind, you will never know WHEN you get there, and you most certainly WILL NOT know HOW to get there.

With that said, I’d like to give you some homework this week….but NOT just any homework. I want to leave you with something that will help you get on the road to reaching your goals, and having a clear path to follow.

HOMEWORK: (You’ll need a pen and paper).

1. Write down what you want for your self, your child, and / or your family. (Be as clear and as specific as possible).
2. Write down how you picture things to be if you had a magic wand and could suddenly remove all the struggles you currently face (related to or not to ADHD specifically).
3. Act as if…

The final step, “Act as if…” means you want to begin acting like the situation has changed. You want to treat your self, your spouse, your siblings, your child, or anyone else like things have already changed.

When you act as if, you will start to change habits to get what you want.

While the medical community has so far said “no,” today we hear otherwise from a newly published study in the Journal of Pediatrics.

According to the study, one common pesticide (organophosphate) used to grow fruits and vegetables suggests there is reason to be concerned. Of over 1,000 participants involved, 119 had symptoms of ADHD. Researchers analyzed single urine samples and found that children with the highest concentrations of the pesticide were more likely to have ADHD.

Researchers and experts caution that more research must be conducted, but also suggests that we need to look at these findings very seriously.

What you can do

Lead author of the study, Maryse Bouchard, states that we should limit our exposure to the chemical by eating only organic produce. She also added that frozen blueberries, strawberries, and celery had more pesticide residue that other foods.

According to one Today Show expert contributor, we should also avoid eating foods that are out of season.

You can read the full article here:

ABC News

Yahoo News

Today Show

• Gender…
• Age…
• Thinking…
• Concept…
• Understanding…
• Perspective…
• Determination…
• Intention…

It was all in front of me…the differences were screaming out at me. One kid was grabbing as many Easter Eggs as he could (dominating the hunt), while my the other was being very select (almost inattentive) with her selections.

At first I started wondering… What was wrong with my daughter? Was she not seeing all the eggs right in front of her? Did she not have that determination and focus to win? Why was she getting beaten by her younger (and less capable) little brother?

But I bit my tongue… I kept watching and I let those thoughts just sit…without reacting or trying to intervene.

That was entirely different however for my mother-in-law and my wife. They both were trying to steer my daughter in the direction of more eggs. They even slowed her down to try and explain the rules of the hunt… **Don’t even get me started on that just yet.**

Still sitting with my birds-eye view, my mind was now spinning with thoughts and ideas about what this all really meant. An Easter Egg hunt right? I got this all from an innocent fun Easter Egg hunt.

When it was all over, my wife asked our daughter why she didn’t pick up more of the eggs. She even tried rationalizing with her…”Honey, you walked past so many different eggs, why?”

My daughter was great….”But Mommy, I only wanted the yellow and pink ones.”

Now you can accuse of me thinking too much. I probably do!!! But the implications here were staggering for me.

• No one took the time to explain the rules (if there are any).
• Most of the group thought a certain way about the experience and then tried influencing others to think that way.
• No one stopped to ask my daughter what her plan was.
• We assumed way too much…
• We became competitive for our kids and lost sight of the goal: FUN

I am sure there are a million and one lessons we could pull from this experience… just so many lessons from an EASTER EGG HUNT.

But if you are thinking like me…this is how we (society) do things. The majority rule and make the rules. We accept those rules as “normal” and we question anything that is different.

It could just be me and how my brain works…but I’m willing to bet there are some of you who can see what I’m talking about….all from a simple Easter Egg Hunt…

What do you think? Let us know…

But that’s just the surface issue that we need to worry about.  What lies beneath that is far more offensive, insulting, and dangerous!

You’ve heard me say it before…and I need to say it again.  That’s how serious of an issue this is!

“Effective treatment should NOT focus on teaching the
individual (or their family) to become like others.  Instead,
it should help the individual embrace their differences and help
them learn how to work with their ADHD and NOT against it.*”

My friend and colleague Jennifer Koretsky talks about “unleashing your inner maverick,” and I don’t think there is any better way to say it.

Too many people who are different are singled out and can be led to live a life of shame, doubt, sadness, and more…

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

While ADHD as a condition can certainly present challenges for an individual, that does not mean the person themself does not have valuable talents and qualities that can help them become successful.

The worst thing you can do…whether you are a parent or have ADHD yourself…is to break some down…  Never lose hope…  Never give up…  Never believe that you or your child are not good enough simply because you are different.

Most of all, NEVER hide behind who you are!  You are on the on this earth for a reason, and you have qualities that make you stand out from everyone else.  Start to embrace those differences as an advantage.

I don’t care what they are…  Put them to use in a way that embraces your passion and gives you energy and pleasure.

But what if we there was a quick and easy way to understand people’s reactions and why they behave the way do…towards people with ADHD?

Please consider for a moment:

• How do stereotypes and expectations influence your behavior?
• How do they influence your child’s behavior?
• And what affect do they have on how your child is treated?

These are some pretty interesting questions that I think a lot of people consider every now and again.  But what if these questions deserve more attention than you might realize?  What if just being aware of these questions provided you with powerful insight into how and why your child really is treated by others…  And why he or she might struggle just to get out of bed in the morning?

Perhaps the following can shed some light on these questions:

“…our own behavior can be influenced by our stereotypes, and that
activation of stereotypes can depend on our current state of mind and
how we view ourselves at the moment.” (page 169)

I don’t know about you…but this quote quickly got my brain spinning in all sorts of directions.

These words come from a book called “Predictably Irrational.”  It is written by an MIT professor and researcher who studies behavioral economics.  The basic premise of the book suggests that despite our desire to think we as humans are “rational” people who make clear decisions, we are not.

Through research and investigation, the author demonstrates that we are actually irrational people whose behavior can typically be predicted, and even manipulated based on our circumstances and the situation we find ourselves in.

This book might at first be about economics and buying decisions, but it really has everything to do with human dynamics, interaction, and behavior.  If you haven’t read “Predictably Irrational” yet, I would strongly suggest you move it to the top of your list.

The more I read the above quote…the more obvious it seems to me that I already knew this.  But in the context of this book, and a personal “a-ha” about how easily we are influenced….it meant so much more.  My mind immediately began wondering if this can explain why negative feedback can quickly crush a person’s self-esteem…?  And what if the person were constantly getting negative feedback?  Does this explain why some people just give up?

But even more so…my mind began wondering if this can explain how and why some teachers automatically believe certain things about a child with ADHD…without ever having taught them before?

What are your thoughts on the subject?

In all the work I do supporting families affected by ADHD, one of the strongest pieces of advice I advocate is having a powerful support network, and not being alone.  Yet I still did the exact opposite…

So many parents tell me they are afraid to talk to other parents about their challenges.  Whether it’s not being understood, feeling ashamed, being blamed, judged, or shamed… they tell me they just don’t want to talk to people about it.

And I really get that…  And it’s far too easy to just shy away, especially after being burned a few times.

But I have to caution you to steer clear of isolation as best you can.

Whether you are a busy on the go parent (working outside or inside the home), it’s just too easy to feel alone.  It’s too easy and natural to get caught up in your world…your own struggles…and to feel like you are the only one!

As a stay-at-home-Dad…my biggest struggle is the demands of being a parent while also having a deep burning desire to work on my life…my business…and to have space.

I’m telling you this because I withdrew from my support network.  I was afraid to say certain things to people.  I didn’t want to be judged.  I was embarrassed by certain thoughts I was having, and felt like others would laugh.

But the other day I finally reached out to a colleague and shared some thoughts that were holding me back…  I couldn’t keep them to myself anymore.  I took a chance…and yea…I was nervous about it.

And you know what?

He didn’t laugh…  He didn’t judge.  He actually connected with me… Heard me… And told me he has the same thoughts.  Instantly I was re-energized and felt like I wasn’t the only one.  It was amazing and gave me energy that I hadn’t felt in a while.

Now not everyone will have this affect on me…or you.  But it reminded me that there are people out there who will offer support.  And that being alone is dangerous! It also reminded me that I am NOT alone and that I crave connection.  It is connection that inspires me…

That might work for you, or it might not.  You’ve got to find what or who helps get you out of isolation or being alone.

But no matter how uncomfortable you are feeling… How scared… Alone… Or Lost you feel…  Don’t keep it bottled up inside. Take a chance and share with someone.  If they don’t give you what you need, find someone who will.

No I don’t expect it to be that easy.  Sure it might even hurt…but I am living proof that going through it alone is dangerous and just makes things even harder.

Raising a child or supporting a loved one with ADHD ain’t easy!  Believe you me…I get it!!!!  But I’m also gonna tell you that life isn’t easy…  Raising a child without ADHD isn’t easy…  It’s just different.  Yes, you’ll face unique challenges for sure… and all it takes to get the support you need is to find the right people.  That’s the challenge we all face in life.

I was the one who was getting easily frustrated.  I was the one who was having a hard time with my patience.

No matter what they do… I am the one who is usually at fault when I get angry, mad or frustrated!

So what happened?

Monday and Tuesday this week I hired a babysitter for the first time ever. I needed to get some things done around the house – and quite frankly – I also just wanted some time for me.

I’ve been a stay-at-home Dad for four years now, and have sacrificed my own time so my kids could have what they want.

But that’s what we parents do…right?

Anyway, while the babysitter was here on Monday, my kids were on their best behavior.  They played nicely together, and they had a lot of fun.

And yes, I was able to get things done and it felt great.

But then I decided to send the sitter home early, and that’s when it (and I) unraveled and almost snapped.

Once our babysitter left, the kids went crazy!  And by crazy, I mean they were doing exactly what you would expect a two-year-old and a four-year-old to do.

They were jumping on all the furniture and interrupting me while trying to do work…  The nerve of me!!!

What was so bad?

In hindsight, my kids did nothing wrong. They were acting their age by exploring the world and experimenting with new things.  They wanted attention from me, their primary caregiver…

To some degree, I didn’t like what they were doing to get my attention (and I think that’s the point).

So again, they did nothing wrong.  They weren’t being bad — but to me they were because I had other interests…other intentions…other thoughts about what I wanted to do with the same amount of time.

That’s when disaster strikes.

One of the things I tell a lot of my clients (with kids) is that children
know exactly what they want.  In most cases they just can’t express it or go about expressing it in a way that we as adults don’t want to hear it.

Even as I write this now, my kids are playing with the sitter – jumping up
and down – having fun, but I just want quiet.

We both want different things, and no one is really wrong, but we are sharing space that perhaps we should not be at the exact moment.

Well, that’s my thought for the day. I really just wanted to share my story with you because I know many of you could appreciate it.

And I also wanted to share this with you because in that exact moment, I
found myself saying "If only my readers were here to see me (a parent coach) reacting the way I am…

Too funny, but maybe you just had to be here!

 

I am NOT going to beat myself up over this.

I could easily spend a lot of time doing that!

Last summer my family had more unscheduled and unnecessary trips than we could have ever imagined,. That dramtically affected the work I was able to get done. But that’s neither here nor there…

Today, I’d like to share my goals with you and in return I’d like to give you the chance to be my support partner in a "challenege " where we help one another and get more done.  The bottom line is that when you declare your intentions and share them out loud – there is a greater chance you will get them done.  On top of that, by sharing your goals with others – you create built-in accountability and motivation to get things done.

Here’s How It Works:

Each day or (whenever I update), I’ll share progress of my goals and I’ll ask for you to do the same in the comments section. Success comes from sharing your goals and declaring your intentions.  I hope you will join me so that we can all get the most of the summer months.

Your goals can be personal, business, or family…

My Goals:

1. Take weekends off from work
2. Create more content for ADHDFamilyOnline.com
3. Outline, structure, and complete 2 reports
4. Finalize arrangements with experts and contributors

As the summer goes one, I will refine and update (and get more specific) on what these goals mean to me, and how I intend to accomplish them.  I’d love to hear your thoughts…but more importantly I’d love for you to share your goals with us!

PS: If you didn’t get a chance to hear our latest ADHD Family Teleseminar on ADHD Family Friendly Summer Tips, you can still register to access the replay here: http://www.adhdfamilyteleseminars.com

Yep – that’s right!!!  Go ahead and take a second to re-read that last if you have to.

The conversation started out innocently enough while exchanging a few “tweets” about video games.  He had mentioned that he and his mother were playing Need For Speed, and I commented that I really LOVE that game, but have recently switched to the Nintendo Wii.

The next few tweets we exchanged were about whether I had bought the Nintendo Wii for myself of for my kids.  I told him it was for my wife and I, but that our 3 1/2 year old daughter enjoys to play bowling, tennis, boxing, and golf.

His reply sort of made me think: “Wow, impressive for her age.”

This comment got me thinking.  Here was a 13-year-old successful entrepreneur (who has been on television I might add) telling me about my impressive daughter.

I wondered – Did he realize how impressive all of his accomplishments are so far?

This series of tweets led me to reflect on my two children and what they have accomplished so far.  Both of my children were early walkers (9 months and 8 1/2 months old respectively).  At age 2, my daughter had learned to count to twenty in English and Spanish (thanks Dora!).  Most recently, my 16-month-old son has shown me that baby-proofing the house is for, well…babies…  And apparently he is NOT a baby anymore because he breaks all the cabinets open.

Long story short, people told me I was crazy for inspiring my children to walk early, to learn early, and to take on bigger things in life.  I just shrug my shoulders at comments like that…  I don’t know any better.

My Point Is This:

I don’t know if you will find these acts as impressive as I do.  I don’t know…  My kids are just my kids, and I am not so certain what they have accomplished makes them any more special than other kids their own age.  But I know I will never tell them that anything “is impossible.”

And as for my friend on Twitter, it’s incredibly powerful to get both business and life advice from someone who clearly has been inspired to reach for the stars from very early on!  He reminds me every single day that anything is possible – no matter the circumstances.

Thank you Jason!!!

Tell Us What You Think!

Have a different perspective? Do you think differently? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

That’s a decent answer, but I think it’s the wrong approach.  Whether or not we think of this, doctors are ordinary people just like you and me.  Heck, I have a “Dr” before my name and I can guarantee you that I am just as human as the next person…

An Unbiased Opinion

I think the most important step in finding out if anything is “wrong” with your child would be to start with their pediatrician.  And I would recommend that you describe the behaviors you are witnessing.  Let the Dr. know that you are concerned about your child’s behavior, and be ready to talk about that.

I would never walk into an office and say, “I think my child has ADHD…”  First, we just don’t know…  There are too many things that can make someone appear to have symptoms consistent with ADHD.  Second, it sets the stage and puts an idea into someone else’s head.

Yes, we can influence people like that…  (even Dr.’s).

Worst Case Scenario

Now hopefully, in most cases, your child’s pediatrician will slow you down and ask questions related to why you think your child has ADHD.  But I am going to suggest that we consider the worst case scenario.  What if your child’s doctor is having a bad day and hears ADHD?

Sure, it might be a long shot – but what if it’s not?  Are you willing to take that risk?

All I’m trying to suggest is that the following symptoms are more common that most people realize:

• Hyperactivity
• Impulsivity
• Inattention

Whether or not it is ADHD, I want you to focus on behaviors.  So let’s start focusing on the behaviors from the beginning.  Next time you see your child’s doctor or therapist, share behaviors…  Leave the symptoms and diagnosis to the professionals.

In many cases, even what it is ADHD, there can be any number of reasons why a child is struggling or facing certain challenges.

Tell Us What You Think!

Have a different perspective? Do you think differently? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE