But what if we there was a quick and easy way to understand people’s reactions and why they behave the way do…towards people with ADHD?

Please consider for a moment:

• How do stereotypes and expectations influence your behavior?
• How do they influence your child’s behavior?
• And what affect do they have on how your child is treated?

These are some pretty interesting questions that I think a lot of people consider every now and again.  But what if these questions deserve more attention than you might realize?  What if just being aware of these questions provided you with powerful insight into how and why your child really is treated by others…  And why he or she might struggle just to get out of bed in the morning?

Perhaps the following can shed some light on these questions:

“…our own behavior can be influenced by our stereotypes, and that
activation of stereotypes can depend on our current state of mind and
how we view ourselves at the moment.” (page 169)

I don’t know about you…but this quote quickly got my brain spinning in all sorts of directions.

These words come from a book called “Predictably Irrational.”  It is written by an MIT professor and researcher who studies behavioral economics.  The basic premise of the book suggests that despite our desire to think we as humans are “rational” people who make clear decisions, we are not.

Through research and investigation, the author demonstrates that we are actually irrational people whose behavior can typically be predicted, and even manipulated based on our circumstances and the situation we find ourselves in.

This book might at first be about economics and buying decisions, but it really has everything to do with human dynamics, interaction, and behavior.  If you haven’t read “Predictably Irrational” yet, I would strongly suggest you move it to the top of your list.

The more I read the above quote…the more obvious it seems to me that I already knew this.  But in the context of this book, and a personal “a-ha” about how easily we are influenced….it meant so much more.  My mind immediately began wondering if this can explain why negative feedback can quickly crush a person’s self-esteem…?  And what if the person were constantly getting negative feedback?  Does this explain why some people just give up?

But even more so…my mind began wondering if this can explain how and why some teachers automatically believe certain things about a child with ADHD…without ever having taught them before?

What are your thoughts on the subject?

From where I stand, ADHD and bad behavior are two very different things.  While there are certainly going to be instances where someone’s behavior is influenced or impacted by their experience of ADHD, it is not an “if, then” situation.

Let’s Take A Closer Look

I often get asked questions about whether or not “certain behaviors” are a direct result of ADHD.  It’s never really that simple, but I take a different approach to advising my clients and their families.  I always suggest that we look at ADHD and behavior as two very different things.

Yes, there will be instances where a child’s impulsivity (for example) will lead to bad behavior, but having ADHD is not a get out of jail free card. It’s not an excuse for a free for all.

In fact, I think parents should know that having ADHD does not excuse a certain expectation for behavior and how a child conducts him or herself.

It’s A Very Fine Line…

I’m going back and forth in my own words because there is a very fine line here.  We know that ADHD can influence how a person behaves.  I’m not arguing that.

Rather, I am saying that a parent (or a teacher) should look at what behavior is acceptable.

• What behavior would you expect from any other child?
• What behavior would you accept in this situation?

The difference here is understanding that your child is different, so you might need to take a different approach to how you get the behaviors that are acceptable.

Something To Chew On…

Most of the clients I work (either directly or indirectly) are incredibly bright children.  In most cases, they know exactly what they are doing at the precise moment they are doing it.  They are well aware of their actions and the results they are going to receive.

To me, this suggests that ADHD and bad behavior are in fact two very different things.  The next time you find yourself wanting to excuse your child’s behavior because of ADHD, I would encourage you to consider whether that is enabling them or not…

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

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“Change” is a goal that most of us, if not all of us, pursue every single day.  We all want something! It doesn’t have to be tangible…  It doesn’t have to be from greed…  We just want more, and we just want things to be different.

ADHD & Long Lasting Change

One of the things I hear most about change, when working with people affected by ADHD, is that they have tried and tried to change in the past but have been unsuccessful in doing so.  Not to beat a dead horse, but this is again NOT exclusive to the ADHD population.

Change is hard.  Change takes commitment, dedication, and sacrifice.  It requires us to give up what we often have come to know best…what has become routine in our lives.

Here’s the deal…  When I work with my clients, I let them know up front that change will not come overnight.  In most cases, we’ve all had many years to develop habits that either directly or indirectly lead to the ongoing challenges and results we receive in life.

If you truly want change… You must take DRASTIC ACTION!  You must be willing to go outside of what feels right, and try something that will shock your system.  You need to get uncomfortable.  Why? In most cases, the things we have done in the past have not led to the change we want.  Therefore, we must do things that are different.

Most of the time, doing things that are different makes us feel uncomfortable…

Bottom line – I focus on helping people develop habits that eventually become second nature.  Change like that takes time, and it takes drastic action to be a reality.  If it were easy, we’d all do it and no one would have resolutions each year.

One of my clients recently told me that they needed to hear this from me, to know that I could help them: “Follow me!  I’ve done this before, and I can help you.”  But, I also told this client, change comes from within.  You [the client] have to want it enough to go after it.

Life In Action:

My personal mentor taught me that to get things done, we must take massive action to completion.  That is exactly the case with change — but I will add that we need to take drastic action and be prepared to keep going against the resistance.

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

What Am I Talking About?

Could ADHD have been an evolutionary trait that kept humans alive at one point?  Were the traits of ADHD that we now find so unacceptable actually responsible for keeping us alive and alert?

This article presents an interesting argument from the results of a research study conducted by Dan Eisenberg of Northwestern University.  I’ll spare the details for now, but basically the researchers observed a tribe in Africa where half have settled into an agricultural system and the other half remains more nomadic (hunter-gatherers).

For anyone interested in this topic, I would strongly suggest reading the article in it’s entirety.  It’s just fascinating to think that ADHD-like behaviors were once likely responsible for our success to stay alive while roaming the plains, hunting for food.  It’s just amazing to think about ADHD having some “nobler” purpose than how many of us in the public understand it today.

What if ADHD actually were positive versus all the people who see it is a negative or want to blame someone with ADHD for being too lazy?  Could that change anything for you?  Would that change the public perspective of how ADHD could be adaptive in the right environment?  Under the right conditions?

After all, humans flourish under “ideal conditions” and maybe not all of us are intended to punch a clock, sit in a cubicle, and follow the rules set forth by modern America.

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

Let me say upfront, I’m NOT here to judge.  I am NOT here to Monday morning quarterback.  Rather, I wanted to share an experience that really shocked me…  Especially because I work with families, and sometimes I wonder how things have gotten to where they are.

The Scenario:

As I first entered the store, there was a mother standing in one of the main aisles near the checkout lines.  She was apparently trying to extinguish her son’s temper tantrum.  Seated in the shopping cart must have been her daughter (or another child).  She had a determined look on her face of getting out of the store, while her son was screaming and crying at the top of his lungs.  Apparently he wanted a new action-figure, and the mother told him “no.”

Easy enough, right?  Not so much in this case!

As the boy continued to scream and yell, the mother gave him a very clear choice.  She told him that if he continued acting this way, he would not be able to attend his friend’s birthday party.  I guess this was why they were shopping. Her exact words were, “If you keep this up, I guess we’ll just have drop the presents off and not stay.”

I liked that – clear choice with consequences and she left it up to her son.

Apparently the boy decided to call her bluff and the situation ERUPTED from there.

He continued to have his tantrum, and this mother chose to push forward.  He did his best to cling to the side of the cart, at one point even wedging his foot in front of one of the wheels.  The screaming continued (and not because he was hurt by the cart).

While he tried so hard to stop his mother, I then watched her kick his foot from blocking the wheel of the cart.  It didn’t look like she was “hurting” him, but the kicking motion got me thinking.  It made me wonder what type of message she was sending her child – (and I’ll be honest) it had me concerned for his safety.  Anyway, this boy didn’t budge.  He was determined, and the mother was equally determined to move his foot.

After finally giving way, the mother proceeded to the checkout, while her son continued his tantrum in the middle of the store.  After parting ways…the boy took off through the store (while still crying and screaming).  He darted to the toy section where he grabbed the toy he wanted, screaming for his mother (who was now checking out).  Unbelievably, the situation continued while I managed to return to my car and come back to the store.

Rather than go on with these agonizing details, let’s just say the temper tantrum continued and continued and continued.

I am NOT here to judge this mother’s decisions, her actions or the events leading up to this situation. Quite frankly, that’s not something I do.  I wasn’t there for all of it, but I did see it unfold.  I did watch curiously because I was amazed at some of the choices she made.

I think it was a “Howard Stern” moment – waiting to see what would happen next…  I was shocked when she “kicked” his foot out of the way.  I was blown away, when her son ran off in this store…  And I was speechless to see this continue and continue and continue for well over 30 minutes!

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

But I digress…

One of the “balance” exercises asks you to sit (on the balance board) in a very “Zen-like” state.  You cross your legs, and sit Indian style while focusing on a candle burning on your screen.  The object is to focus on the candle and avoid distractions… I don’t know how it works, but the sensors in this balance board know when your attention shifts, and that you have become distracted.

My first attempt…37 seconds.  Second attempt 65, and then 24 seconds…  Sitting still has never been more difficult…

BUT, that’s NOT the end of the story.  You see, I was trying to pay attention and focus while my 15 month-old son wanted attention.

The Result?

Competing attention…  Difficulty focusing…

What can I say?  My son wanted attention.  He saw Daddy sitting on the floor, and thought it would be fun to climb all over me.  Does that mean I was distracted?  Does it mean that I can’t focus and pay attention?

Or is this just another example of the many competing tasks we all face today.  Instead of thinking that you struggle with focus and attention, perhaps we need to ask more questions:

• What are we being asked to accomplish?
• Under what circumstances is this demand?
• Is the timing right?
• Are our actions reasonable at the present time?

There are beliefs that we all struggle with attention, focus, and distraction from time to time.  Those people with ADHD are suspected of having a difficult time more often than not.  Maybe it’s true…  Or maybe we need very specific circumstances under which we can flourish.

Either way — this got me thinking this morning!

What Do You Think?

We’d love to hear from you. Go ahead and give us your thoughts in the comments below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE