In my role as a child and family advocate for those facing the challenges of ADHD, I am asked a lot of different questions.  Sometimes, these questions get very detailed and very specific.  And that’s a good thing.  Because the more information and details I get, the more tailored a response I can provide.

Yet at the same time, most of my answers can often be summed up with one word.

ADVOCACY!

Question: Will My Child Ever Get Better?

Simple answer, YES, advocate!

Detailed answer: What is better?  What does better look like?  How do you want your child to be?  More importantly, does your child have a clue about how he (or she) wants to be?

Question: Will my child change on his medication?  Will he lose his unique talents, spirit, creativity, etc…?

Simple answer: Advocate

Detailed answer:  It all depends on you, and your goals for treatment.  ADVOCATE!  If you decide to treat ADHD with medication, you need to ask yourself an important question: What are my goals for treatment?  What will I consider a successful outcome to be?

I know there are some who argue that an ADHD diagnosis = ADHD medication for treatment.  Some even compare the idea of being diabetic to the need for insulin, and the need for glasses if you have difficulty with eyesight.

Ok…decent argument.  I get it.

But, some diabetics choose to watch their blood sugar level with diet and exercise.  Some people refuse to get glasses and instead wear contact lenses (same principle…), some opt for elective surgery, while still others learn different ways to compensate (be in holding the book further away…sitting closer or further from the computer screen, and still others, opting for BIG PRINT BOOKS).

That’s a matter of personal choice…  And quite possibly a debate for another post, at another time.

Now, before we get too distracted and off topic, let’s re-center ourselves.  Let’s FOCUS!

Question: Will my child have to be on medication for the rest of his (or her) life?

Simple answer: Advocate!

Detailed answer: It all depends, again, on your goals for treatment and the outcomes you want for your child.  Not many doctors discuss this.  So…you have to advocate.  You have to take the lead and be your child’s best defense, offense, and referee.

Aren’t getting the answers you want…? Ask the question a different way.  OR…ask someone the question.

Not getting the support you want…?  Find the right people.  Ditch the bad.  Go over their head.

We can go round and round with the advice I can offer, and the detailed step-by-step instructions I can lay out for your treatment plan.

But the bottom line is, you’ve got to be on board.  You’ve go to have a plan.  You’ve got to agree with how I see thing.  And if you don’t, you have to be able to STAND UP and advocate for what you want.

At the bottom of all of this, it boils down to your support structure.  Who are the people in your corner…?  Better yet, who do you CHOOSE to allow to be in your corner…advocating with you?

I don’t have the answer about whether or not your child will have to be on medication for the rest of his (or her life).  In this current moment, there’s no way to tell.

A good treatment plan considers the following:

Where are you now?

Where do you want to be X (days / months / years) from now?

What’s in your way?

In a lot of cases, we start off in crisis.  Medication can be a good way to get a grip on a life that seems out of control.

But you must NOT stop there.  Medication can and does work.  But it doesn’t cure ADHD.  There is NO cure for ADHD.

If you are hesitant that your child’s ADHD medications might change who your child is, then we need to evaluate what the right medication is or is NOT.

If you want ADHD medication to be a short term treatment plan, then we need to map out other strategies and treatment approaches to put in place.

It’s like setting a strong foundation.

It’s having a place to start.

It’s up to YOU where you want to go from there.

It’s NOT up to the teachers.  It’s NOT up to the doctors.

It’s NOT up to your extended family.

It’s up to YOU!  It’s to you and your spouse / partner and your child.

This is why you must advocate!  Parenting a child with ADHD is a contact sport.  And as they say in baseball, grab a glove and get in the game!  Kick a little dirt at the umpire if you’re not getting your point across.  Don’t be afraid of getting thrown out of the game…  After all, you are the parent.  You take the game outside and play street yard rules!

Join Us On Facebook

What’s in a name?

After much procrastination and telling myself I’ll start a Facebook page “someday,” I finally took action and pulled it together.  To my delight, this page has attracted just over 500 people (as of this writing), and I couldn’t be more pleased with the level of dedication and commitment these loving, caring parents have for these unique and often misunderstood children.

Earlier today, one of our “fans” who I have gotten to know asked the question, “Why do we call this group Help Your ADHD Child when it places the emphasis of ADHD on the child, rather than the focusing on the child him or herself?”

What an incredible and relevant question!

After all, there is so much in the name.  There is power in how we identify ourselves and think of ourselves.  The message needs to be clear and matter of fact.

It reminds me so very much of why I HATE the term Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.  I cringe to know that we think of this condition as a disorder.  It suggests that these children are broken and need to be cured or fixed.

And while I understand this condition presents real challenges, and real problems when it goes unaddressed, undiagnosed, and untreated…I can’t help but think of the subtle difference a name can make.

Let’s break it apart for a second:

Attention Deficit – We now know that this is entirely inaccurate.  There is NO deficit in attention.  It’s a matter of variable attention.  You and I both know these children are more than capable of paying attention.  It’s just often a struggle to pay attention to things that are NOT interesting.

Hyperactivity – Not all children (or adults) have hyperactive symptoms.  Yet the medical community changed the term from ADD to ADHD in order to encompass the variety of symptom presentations and subtypes.

Disorder – The word I dread the most.  While I fully believe in the validity of this condition, and I support the advocacy and hard work of organizations that fight on behalf of the millions diagnosed, the word upsets me.

I don’t know about you, but I much rather focus on differences!

Your Child With ADHD Vs. Your ADHD Child

So what spurred this post and my thoughts on the subject this morning.  It’s certainly not a trivial difference.  In fact, it’s done with great intent.

If you look at the logo, [ADHD] stands out NOT because I believe your child IS ADHD, but rather to play on the unfortunate stamp and label of ADHD.  Ultimately, it’s a play on a words, and a jab at what I think is an unfortunate stamp and characterization.

Believe it or not, but there is a HUGE difference between saying “My ADHD Child” and “My Child With ADHD.”

In fact, a few years ago, I gave a talk titled, “ADHD: Is It Me Or My Child?”

Parents always ask me, Is this behavior the ADHD or is it my child?

Ahhh…the $64,000 question.

So I ask you…what do you think?  Does your child have ADHD?  Or is your child ADHD?

I want to hear it…

My thought is very simple.  Children have the condition we call ADHD.  They ARE NOT and SHOULD NOT be defined by it, characterized by it, or looked at as ADHD.

No…quite to the contrary, your child has a condition we call ADHD.  Deep down inside…at the very core of he or she, we will find the true child.  We will see the unique talents and strengths that rise above the condition of ADHD.

As Adam pointed out in his comment, ADHD does NOT define who your child is.  ADHD simply is a piece of who they are.

And I couldn’t say it any better myself.  Your child’s diagnosis of ADHD is merely but a piece of the puzzle.  Your living, breathing, fire-crackin’ child has a whole lot of other stuff goin on that makes him or her the special bundle you have before you!

Earlier this week, I started a little controversy among our readers about Diagnosing ADHD and how important it really is to have the diagnosis.  The responses that came in were quite incredible, and nothing short of what I expected for a condition that is still greatly misunderstood by many (not our readers of course).

I am still reading (and re-reading) the comments to really absorb the different perspectives of ADHD, and getting diagnosed.

One thing to me is clear:  Getting the right diagnosis is critical, but it is only a first step!  For the record, I always advocate to my clients and anyone I speak to that seeing a professional – an expert who understands ADHD, children, and development – is of the utmost importance when you don’t know what’s going on.

Let me say that again (it was a mouthful):  Getting the right diagnosis, from the right* person is the most important first step.

But it’s ONLY a first step because there is so much else going on.  The diagnosis can change, and it can be complicated.  In my years of working with children and families, I just don’t know how an accurate diagnosis is made in one 15-minute appointment when there is clearly so much to consider.

Here’s just a taste of what makes the diagnosis so difficult to make:

1. Bad Information:  There is a LOT of bad information that leads to great misunderstanding about what ADHD is and what it is not.
2. Signs & Symptoms: As Dr. Kane mentioned in our previous post, there are over 50 other conditions that can mimic ADHD.  (Not to mention the things that can complicate what might or might not be ADHD).
3. One Size Does NOT Fit All: ADHD is going to be different for almost everyone with the condition.  There is NO one right answer…it’s about personal choice (as pointed out by colleague and friend Tara McGillicuddy).
4. Life Happens: One cannot overlook the dramatic impact and influence that life has upon symptoms of ADHD.  We cannot just attribute everything to the condition…we MUST look at what is going on in a person’s life.
5. Explanation NOT Excuse: ADHD (or the right diagnosis) can help explain why a person acts, behaves, or just is a certain way.  But it does NOT define them, and it should NEVER be used as an excuse.

Yes…there are plenty more complications to getting the diagnosis right.  And that’s why I call it a good and important (critical) first step!

So what’s this all about then?

As I mentioned, it is more important to me (in my humble opinion) that once we have a working diagnosis or understanding of who the person is, we focus on their unique challenges and NOT the diagnosis.

Sometimes we get it right.  Sometimes we get it wrong.  But behavior and our action / success is a good indication of what is going on.  I’ve said before that bad behavior is often a cry for help.  Having a bad attitude is often a way of getting attention when we can’t find the words to say what we really want.

No matter how you cut it…it’s just not as a straightforward as we’d like it to be.  And that’s the POINT!  As a parent of a child with ADHD, you’ve got some great responsibilities.  Yes….it might be more than the “average” kid, but as one “different” child (now adult) to others…. I don’t want to be average.  I like standing out…and yes…I love causing a little controversy.

Additional Responsibilities:

1. Get educated on ADHD / related conditions
2. Advocate for your child
3. Focus on their differences (not…”my child has ADHD”)
4. Question everything (even me).
5. Work with your child’s differences (not against them)
6. Make it fun.

As hard as all of this sounds…all parents face this every single day.  The good news is that ADHD is NOT a life threatening condition.  It’s NOT the end of the world.  It is however…or could be…another challenge you must face.  But hopefully, with this information and the right supports in your life, you will know when to stand up and shout, and when to laugh it off.

At least I hope you can…

Earlier this week I met with a colleague to discuss our views on ADHD and how we can really help make a difference in education, training, and support.  It was a really great conversation…very stimulating to the point that I was furiously taking notes the entire time.

But we got stuck…  My colleague asked me “At what point do you educate people on the diagnosis and the importance of HAVING the diagnosis?”

“……………………………”  Suddenly things got very quiet.

Most of you know by now how I feel about a diagnosis…  I won’t mix words here…but for me it’s sorta “nice to know” information.  At least that’s how I will start a conversation or how I REALLY feel about the diagnosis (and most diagnoses in general).

But this comment or difference in approach split the conversation.  We quickly kept dancing around the issue.

How important is it to have that diagnosis?  I mean…to really have it?!?!?!

We both agreed that there are two very distinct groups of people (more I’m sure in reality)…

1. People who have life changing “a-ha” moment when they find clarity from the diagnosis.
2. People who really don’t get all that excited or care…  They just keep moving on with life.

Now these are general characterizations for a reason…  I honestly know that deep down inside there are many different reactions to getting a diagnosis, or even the suggestion of an ADHD diagnosis.

But the question today is really about….  How important is to have that diagnosis versus understanding your differences and what that really means?

Can you have one without the other?

This is a very loaded question for me.  At the end of the day, I don’t much care what the diagnosis is…  At least if we are talking about ADHD.  I am more interested in helping people understand their differences and HOW those differences create challenges than I am nit-picking whether it’s ADHD or not.

BUT!!!!  At the same time…it is clearly important to me because otherwise I wouldn’t insist that people see specialists to get their diagnosis.

So WHY then is this so difficult?

Well…we know how complex ADHD is to diagnose properly.  There are co-morbid conditions that complicate a diagnosis, and there are many other factors that influence our behavior and how we are affected by life.

Plus there is the difference I experienced in my own childhood….  Being identified as “gifted and talented” and how my differences were encouraged and NOT seen as weaknesses.  Just from that experience alone I am convinced that differences are just that….  DIFFERENCES!!!!  They are NOT good or bad until you use them…  And how you decide to use them…

PLUS…there is just so much more to consider.  We need to look at the underlying cause of the behavior.  Is it really ADHD or is it the child?

And I think that’s where we got stuck.  Because I always encourage people to see a specialist to get diagnosed.  I think it’s critically important that we have an accurate diagnosis, or at least a clear picture.  BUT…I still want to know…

How important is that you have the diagnosis?  Is it more or less important to have the diagnosis versus understanding your individual, and unique challenges?

Let me know.  Clearly both are important to me…BUT I am a little stuck and am leaning more towards the side of being aware of your differences more than anything else.

In a recent survey to our readers we found out that one of the biggest stresses and challenges facing you right now is money, finances, and the economy.

We are definitely living in challenging times, and you are NOT alone! Not even close to being alone. And while that might be helpful information…I often tell people that “that doesn’t help.” It’s great to know we aren’t alone…but it’s even better to know what we can do.

To help with this process…I had the pleasure to interview Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, on her new book “ADD And Your Money: A Guide to Personal Finance For Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder.”

I hope this interview provides some helpful tips and tools to help you better manage your money and it’s impact on your life.

After you’ve had a chance to listen to this audio…please leave us a comment below about what else you’d like to know about. Saving… Budgeting… Making money… Creative ways to add money…

We’ll do our best to help.

The sensationalism of ADHD in America, and as a diagnosis continues.  No surprise there!!  The media jumps on the controversy and drama band wagon…  Every day citizens laugh at the ADHD jokes (like one Conan O’Brien tried to crack this week during ADHD Awareness week of all times).   The medical community continues to preach “deficit, disorder, and weakness…”

ADHD: The $77 Billion Condition

This morning I received an e-mail touting “The Cost of ADHD.”  Being intrigued, I opened the e-mail and began reading.  Apparently, a report published by researchers at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital have said that ADHD “costs sufferers” approximately 77 billion dollars each year.

• “ADHD affects educational attainment” – and so does poor teaching, outdated lesson plans, and teachers who don’t know how to connect with children.
• “ADHD impacts employment” – and so does the common cold, the flu, bosses who are jerks, and more…
• “ADHD causes lost days” – and so does (again) the common cold, the flu, kids who need and deserve our attention (and more still…)

At the heart of this message, I fully understand what the researchers are saying.  I even know some people will get angry with me for the comparisons I make.  But ADHD presents real challenges…  Real struggles…  And we can’t simply just address them by putting the blame on the individual…  By thinking that medication is the only answer…

But what’s it really all about?

Yesterday I spoke with a Mom who battled ADHD and the medical community for  years.  The education and information is out there, but people seem to be paying attention to the wrong thing.  Or maybe they are offering the wrong answers (and advice).

This Mom told me her child’s physician – the supposed professional – that she should give up on her child.  He was a lost cause…

This is an extreme example.  But there is help out there.  It’s just a matter of what you pay attention to (no pun intended) and who you reach out to for support.

Claims like the one above (costs of ADHD to the United States) can be taken several different ways.  Here are some other stats you might like to know:

According to Wikipedia, the common cold costs Americans:

• Doctor visits: $7.7 billion
• Over-the-counter medications: $2.9 billion dollars
• Prescription medications – $400 million

And last but not least… “An estimated 22 to 189 million school days are missed annually due to a cold. As a result, parents missed 126 million workdays to stay home to care for their children. When added to the 150 million workdays missed by employees suffering from a cold, the total economic impact of cold-related work loss exceeds $20 billion per year.”  (From the above Wikipedia link).

Yes…  I understand these numbers are pale in comparison to ADHD.  You can break it apart to the numbers of Americans who are said to have ADHD (approx 4-8% of the population) versus who gets a cold.  But what do these numbers really tell us?  And can they be broken down to real life experience?  Or are they just another way of reporting the so-called lifeless facts that are just meant to scare us?

It’s just something to chew on…

Why do we seemingly leave out so many facts?  And even more importantly, why do we NOT provide more context and comparison!

ADHD is a very real condition.  ADHD requires serious attention (no pun intended once again).  But most of all, ADHD requires love…  It requires helping people — building them up and NOT breaking them down and making them feel worse about themselves.

This morning I am captured by the magic of “storytelling” and legacy.  As I was enjoying my morning coffee, I happened to catch the end of the movie, “The Babe.”  No, it’s NOT the movie about a pig and his travels through the farm.  This story of “The Babe” is about the life and legacy of Babe Ruth.

As a self-described non-baseball enthusiast, I am more drawn to the history of the game…  To the history of one of the most profilic athletes to play major league baseball.  And again, more importantly, I care about story… legacy… greatness… and the idea of what someone represents.

Feeling a little sappy already this morning, I was saddened even more to learn of the passing of Edward Kennedy (the senior Senator from Massachusetts).  Not being much of an active political person – and yes I even live in the great commonwealth of Massachusetts – I am more drawn and saddened by his passing because of what he represents to this country.

For those of you don’t know…  Ted Kennedy was the younger brother to our past President John F. Kennedy (before my time), and Robert Kennedy.

Legacy…  Life… Greatness…

While sharing the news of Senator Kennedy’s passing with a friend, she remarked that he was a very polarizing individual in his politics.  I could sense there was something more to it.  BUT, my point of sharing his passing had nothing to do with his politics.  I was compelled to share simply because of what this man represented to so many people, and his legacy over several decades of growth and history in this country.

Growing up after JFK’s assassination, the Kennedy family represents an empire or royalty in the United States.  They are a family who has been followed and watched…  And yes, they even impacted history and the course of our society.

What Can You Learn From This?

While my friend saw his passing as a moment to comment on his political stance, I was more moved by the loss of a giant in our time.  Like the passing of Michael Jackson or any larger-than-life figure…  there are always people who will see things differently than you and I.

For me…  I have been moved by the greatness of figures like Ted Kennedy, Michael Jackson, and Babe Ruth.  I am looking at what they represented.  And most of the stories of their greatness – focus on what success they achieved in life.

Yes there are critics who take this opportunity to focus on the negatives.  There will always be critics in life.

Who do you choose to listen to?

And more importantly, who will you choose to listen to when it comes to living with ADHD?  Raising a child with ADHD?  Or in supporting a loved one with ADHD?

Will you focus on all they do wrong, or what they do well?

ADHD continues to be misunderstood by so many people – particularly the media at large and anyone who has an opinion and a way to express it.  Just Google “ADHD” and you’ll find results linking back to credible sources and then of course blogs and other websites where any opinion is welcome, addressed, and shared…  Most of them (if NOT all) seem to have a very strong opinion…  And everyone with an opinion believes they know best when it comes to ADHD.

The timing of this post is rather ironic because my wife and I were just out walking this morning — talking about how everyone feels like they have the right to their opinion….  People believe this, even without any expert training or personal experience.  Nothing could be more true for ADD or ADHD.

Because there is so much popularity around this term — everyone thinks they know what ADHD is.  The problem is, most people don’t know.

Case In Point:

I’ll let this article speak for itself.

Apparently Bill Maher got into a conversation about medications in America, and his guest, Arianna Huffington, took that opportunity to comment on ADHD and how it is over-diagnosed.

You all likely know this is one of the most hot-button, controversial topics when it comes to ADHD.

Bottom line, there is a lot to it.  No matter what you believe, ADHD is very real.  The details of it, and your beliefs, are an entirely different story…important, but different nonetheless.

Bottom Line:

The reason I wanted to share this with you today is that it is yet another example of how everyone and their mother (and television guests) have an opinion about ADHD.

I want to take this moment to caution you and remind you to be very careful about who you listen to, what advice you take, and the action you put into place as a result.

Please…please…please be very careful about who you listen to and what you allow them to have you think about ADHD and it’s impact on your life.

I’ve been a little quiet these last few months as I have been preparing a very special event.  Today I’d like to share with you the 2009 ADHD Family Summit.

Starting this coming Monday, May 4th at 9 PM EDT / 6 PM PDT, you’ll be able to hear from some of the leading experts on ADHD.  As you might suspect, the focus of this interview series is to help share important information and provide strategies and support to the entire family.

Far too many times, an individual with ADHD is expected to be the one that bears the burden of change.  They are the ones who can sometimes be made to feel isolated or is if they are the problem.

Yes, people with ADHD struggle, but to successfully support an individual with ADHD, we must all become better informed and more aware of what it takes to help our loved ones.

Registration is open now http://www.ADHDFamilySummit.com

Here are just some of the speakers and topics we’ll be covering

• Theresa Cerulli, MD – The ADHD Brain & Co-existing Conditions
• David Giwerc, MCC – IS ADHD Who You Are Or Something You Have?
• James T. Webb, PhD – Understanding ADHD & Giftedness
• Tara McGillicuddy, SCAC – Women and Girls With ADHD
• Jennifer Koretsky – Self-Care Strategies For Parents And Adults With ADHD
• Kenny Handelman, MD – Understanding ADHD Medications

We also have a very special guest, Alexis Martin Neely, who will be speaking with us about how to protect our families and loved ones in case of an emergency.

Don’t miss this event!

2009 ADHD Family Summit

http://www.ADHDFamilySummit.com <============ Click Here For All The Details

I almost titled this post, “Are You Passionate Enough About Success?”  But the more I thought about my message today – the more I realized it’s NOT necessarily about success.  It’s about taking a side – and being passionate about that side.

Too Many People Sit On The Fence

A mentor of mine really pushes people to make a commitment, Yes I am interested or No, I am not.  Either way, he just wants to be involved with people who can make a decision and NOT sit on the fence.

>>>>That’s what today’s post is about!<<<<

There are a lot of debates amongst society, and within the ADHD community, about ADHD as a diagnosis

• Gift versus Curse
• Whole Vs. Part
• Medication Vs. Alternatives
• Doctors Vs. Parents
• Diagnosis Vs. Condition
• And I’m Sure Many More…

Where you stand on these debates doesn’t so much matter to me, as long as you are passionate about your side of the argument.

Let me clarify that…  My personal view is to approach differences in people, and to help them get the supports, resources, tools, and strategies to be successful in life.  I don’t believe ADHD is a gift nor do I believe it is a curse. Instead, I actually believe that is a part of who the person is – and with the right supports, tools, resources, etc… a person with ADHD can be just as successful as anyone else.

Now this approach upsets some people, and at the same time, it hits home for other people.

That’s What We’re Talking About

We will all have different opinions about ADHD.  That’s just life when it comes to a condition that is hotly contested, debated, and largely quite misunderstood.

For me, I’ll engage in conversation and debate with anyone about ADHD as a condition so long as they are informed and provide support to people, rather than striking them down.

Beyond that, we can agree to disagree.

And That’s What I Want For You

People who are successful in life, and in managing their challenges are very passionate or at least strongly opinionated about their perspective on things.

So if you are struggling to figure out how ADHD is impacting yourself, your child, a spouse, loved one, or friend — I’m going to ask you to find a side and get involved.

There’s nothing more dangerous than sitting on the fence and going back and forth.  It just leads to confusion, blaming, and negativity all around…

What Do You Believe?

I want to hear from you!  Please let me know where you stand on the great debates of ADHD.  Tell me what really gets you passionate about living with ADHD, struggling with ADHD, or supporting someone with ADHD.

Even if I don’t agree with you, show me your passion and I’ll respect what you have to say!

PS. – Will you join me for the next ADHD Family Teleseminar?  This Sunday we will be talking about ADHD Co-existing Conditions And Complications!