Earlier this week, I started a little controversy among our readers about Diagnosing ADHD and how important it really is to have the diagnosis.  The responses that came in were quite incredible, and nothing short of what I expected for a condition that is still greatly misunderstood by many (not our readers of course).

I am still reading (and re-reading) the comments to really absorb the different perspectives of ADHD, and getting diagnosed.

One thing to me is clear:  Getting the right diagnosis is critical, but it is only a first step!  For the record, I always advocate to my clients and anyone I speak to that seeing a professional – an expert who understands ADHD, children, and development – is of the utmost importance when you don’t know what’s going on.

Let me say that again (it was a mouthful):  Getting the right diagnosis, from the right* person is the most important first step.

But it’s ONLY a first step because there is so much else going on.  The diagnosis can change, and it can be complicated.  In my years of working with children and families, I just don’t know how an accurate diagnosis is made in one 15-minute appointment when there is clearly so much to consider.

Here’s just a taste of what makes the diagnosis so difficult to make:

1. Bad Information:  There is a LOT of bad information that leads to great misunderstanding about what ADHD is and what it is not.
2. Signs & Symptoms: As Dr. Kane mentioned in our previous post, there are over 50 other conditions that can mimic ADHD.  (Not to mention the things that can complicate what might or might not be ADHD).
3. One Size Does NOT Fit All: ADHD is going to be different for almost everyone with the condition.  There is NO one right answer…it’s about personal choice (as pointed out by colleague and friend Tara McGillicuddy).
4. Life Happens: One cannot overlook the dramatic impact and influence that life has upon symptoms of ADHD.  We cannot just attribute everything to the condition…we MUST look at what is going on in a person’s life.
5. Explanation NOT Excuse: ADHD (or the right diagnosis) can help explain why a person acts, behaves, or just is a certain way.  But it does NOT define them, and it should NEVER be used as an excuse.

Yes…there are plenty more complications to getting the diagnosis right.  And that’s why I call it a good and important (critical) first step!

So what’s this all about then?

As I mentioned, it is more important to me (in my humble opinion) that once we have a working diagnosis or understanding of who the person is, we focus on their unique challenges and NOT the diagnosis.

Sometimes we get it right.  Sometimes we get it wrong.  But behavior and our action / success is a good indication of what is going on.  I’ve said before that bad behavior is often a cry for help.  Having a bad attitude is often a way of getting attention when we can’t find the words to say what we really want.

No matter how you cut it…it’s just not as a straightforward as we’d like it to be.  And that’s the POINT!  As a parent of a child with ADHD, you’ve got some great responsibilities.  Yes….it might be more than the “average” kid, but as one “different” child (now adult) to others…. I don’t want to be average.  I like standing out…and yes…I love causing a little controversy.

Additional Responsibilities:

1. Get educated on ADHD / related conditions
2. Advocate for your child
3. Focus on their differences (not…”my child has ADHD”)
4. Question everything (even me).
5. Work with your child’s differences (not against them)
6. Make it fun.

As hard as all of this sounds…all parents face this every single day.  The good news is that ADHD is NOT a life threatening condition.  It’s NOT the end of the world.  It is however…or could be…another challenge you must face.  But hopefully, with this information and the right supports in your life, you will know when to stand up and shout, and when to laugh it off.

At least I hope you can…

In a recent survey to our readers we found out that one of the biggest stresses and challenges facing you right now is money, finances, and the economy.

We are definitely living in challenging times, and you are NOT alone! Not even close to being alone. And while that might be helpful information…I often tell people that “that doesn’t help.” It’s great to know we aren’t alone…but it’s even better to know what we can do.

To help with this process…I had the pleasure to interview Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, on her new book “ADD And Your Money: A Guide to Personal Finance For Adults With Attention Deficit Disorder.”

I hope this interview provides some helpful tips and tools to help you better manage your money and it’s impact on your life.

After you’ve had a chance to listen to this audio…please leave us a comment below about what else you’d like to know about. Saving… Budgeting… Making money… Creative ways to add money…

We’ll do our best to help.

I’ve been a little quiet these last few months as I have been preparing a very special event.  Today I’d like to share with you the 2009 ADHD Family Summit.

Starting this coming Monday, May 4th at 9 PM EDT / 6 PM PDT, you’ll be able to hear from some of the leading experts on ADHD.  As you might suspect, the focus of this interview series is to help share important information and provide strategies and support to the entire family.

Far too many times, an individual with ADHD is expected to be the one that bears the burden of change.  They are the ones who can sometimes be made to feel isolated or is if they are the problem.

Yes, people with ADHD struggle, but to successfully support an individual with ADHD, we must all become better informed and more aware of what it takes to help our loved ones.

Registration is open now http://www.ADHDFamilySummit.com

Here are just some of the speakers and topics we’ll be covering

• Theresa Cerulli, MD – The ADHD Brain & Co-existing Conditions
• David Giwerc, MCC – IS ADHD Who You Are Or Something You Have?
• James T. Webb, PhD – Understanding ADHD & Giftedness
• Tara McGillicuddy, SCAC – Women and Girls With ADHD
• Jennifer Koretsky – Self-Care Strategies For Parents And Adults With ADHD
• Kenny Handelman, MD – Understanding ADHD Medications

We also have a very special guest, Alexis Martin Neely, who will be speaking with us about how to protect our families and loved ones in case of an emergency.

Don’t miss this event!

2009 ADHD Family Summit

http://www.ADHDFamilySummit.com <============ Click Here For All The Details

Earlier this week Michael Phelps made headlines when some photos of him were released to the media, that showed the record-breaking Olympian engaged in (what looked like) smoking pot from a bong.

When I first heard the news, I started to wonder whether or not Michael’s ADHD would come into the spotlight.  In the ADHD community, there has been tremendous buzz about Michael’s accomplishments in despite his being diagnosed with ADHD many years ago.

Now, I’ve wanted to comment on this for just about a week, but I decided to wait to see the reactions of others.

Some of the fallout:

Michael’s response

“Regrettable behavior” and “bad judgment.”

Commentary

• Phelps did a dumb thing
• Former President’s smoked marijuana in their 20s and managed to do just fine in life

Losing sponsors and being suspended

Kellogg’s drops sponsorship, and 3-months suspension from USA Swimming.

Little Mention Of ADHD

For the most part, there was very little mention of this activity and a link to ADHD or impulsivity… Most people focused on poor judgment and his statement of “regrettable behavior.”  I am thrilled about that…  The focus should NOT be on ADHD.

But then, I happened upon a comment where ADHD was the central focus (or suggested focus) of why Michael engaged in such behavior.  Sure, we could argue that smoking pot was the result of impulsivity (and even ADHD)… but we weren’t there.

And aside from that — what’s the point of saying it was related to ADHD?  He did it, he took responsibility for it, and his life goes on.

One might argue that he might never have admitted it if he hadn’t been caught or if he wasn’t in the public eye. But who cares?  There are (dear I say) millions of teens who experiment with drugs.  Some probably have ADHD…  Some probably experiment because of their “impulsivity” or other related ADHD characteristics…  And still some kids without the slightest hint of ADHD also experiment with illegal drugs.

Here’s My Take:

I don’t care one way or the other about the circumstances surrounding Michael’s behavior or experimentation with marijuana.  Quite frankly, I think any debate about whether or not this activity is linked to ADHD is totally irrelevant and unnecessary.

Why?  What purpose does it serve the greater good of society?  He made a mistake…  And if I may, he’s pretty darn successful.  Let’s focus on that!  Let’s focus on the fact that he made his decisions…  He got caught…  He apologized…  He has consequences…  And his life will go on…

Are We Overlooking The Most Important Factor?

For those people who want to debate Michael’s behavior and any link to ADHD related behaviors…  I ask you this:

• Have you considered the amount of pressure on him thus far in his life?
• Do you have any idea what he has sacrificed to achieve Olympic glory and success?

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty darn impressed with what Michael has overcome in life (ADHD or otherwise).

For the record, I am NOT excusing his behavior or condoning it.  But I am a bit of a realist.  This young man has faced adversity, overcome challenges, succeeded in life when many thought he would fail… and so much more!

Let’s NOT forget that being diagnosed with ADHD is just a small piece of who a person is.  It does not define him, nor does it account for all of his decisions, behaviors, or challenges.

Perhaps his decision to allegedly engage in this behavior was simply Michael’s way of being his age for once (right or wrong)!

And maybe…just maybe…people who see this behavior as related to ADHD are just skeptics waiting for him to fail.  I suppose if you wait long enough for something — it’s bound to happen.

Tell Us What You Think!

Have a different perspective? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

I became a passionate advocate in the ADHD community for one reason and ONLY one reason.

I wanted to make sure that people were getting the right information from the right people.

It had been my experience through graduate school and while training to become a psychologist (which I stepped away from*) that most people did NOT understand ADHD or what it took to parent a child with ADHD.  Like most people, there are a good number of professionals who only understand ADHD as it is characterized by it’s major symptoms:

• Hyperactivity
• Impulsivity
• Inattention

Unfortunately however, these “major symptoms” are only the tip of the iceberg.  To really understand ADHD, you have to dig down so much deeper and understand a lot more about ADHD – as a condition and as a way of life.

It also helps if you have an understanding of human dynamics, child development, biology, relationships, and more…  This is NOT an area where just anyone with an opinion should be walking in and giving advice — at least not to parents of children with ADHD.

Who Do You Believe?

During my training (and even today as a coach), I hear from lots of families that they won’t go back to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist because of how they were treated.  It’s very unfortunate!

But — it happens.  And I need you to know that it happens.  While people have good intentions, that is NOT enough.  You deserve better, and you deserve to know exactly how to find a competent individual to support you, your family, your child, or loved one affected by ADHD.

I am here today to hopefully empower you to want more and to expect more from the people who will support you! There are a lot of people with opinions out there about ADHD and how to manage it and support someone who might be struggling with ADHD.

Friends / family / loved ones / strangers / parents / parents of children with ADHD…  You name it — someone has an agenda.  Even me!  I’ll be the first to admit that.  But hopefully you know that my agenda is to get the right information out to the people who need it the most.  It’s NOT to bash people or hold people back.

Be Cautious As Your Proceed

Each and every day, I come across people sharing information about ADHD who truly don’t get it.  Oh believe me, they think they get it…and they’ll do their best to convince you that they get it.  Please be careful!!

It’s a struggle, and it really hurts when I see good families and good people following advice that is completely inaccurate or unfounded!

This is the problem with the Internet and people being able to share information to anyone who is willing to listen.

Follow These Few Steps, And You’ll Do Ok!

1. What is the person’s background?
2. How long have they been involved in the ADHD community?
3. What do they believe about ADHD?
4. How do they help people with ADHD?
5. Do they have any formal training?

**Most of all – do the answers to these questions match your needs, interests, and expectations.  If they don’t, then you’ve got to keep looking.  I won’t proclaim to be the right person for everyone, and if I’m not, let me help you find someone who will match what you are looking for.

There are absolutely good people out there to help you, but there are also people out there who try and try and try….and they do mean well….but I have found they are lacking some fundamental basics that can mean the difference between short-term relief and long-lasting relief.

If I’m Your Guy:

Because I want you to get the right information, I need to share two very important upcoming events.

#1 – ADHD Family Teleseminar

We start a free weekly teleseminar this coming Sunday, February 8th 2009 at 8 PM EST.  You can get the details here.

#2 – Ask Dr. Cerulli

Join me as I interview psychiatrist (and my friend and colleague), Dr. Theresa Cerulli.  Each month we get on the phone and answer your most pressing questions.  Details here.

After a brief hiatus, our monthly live Q&A with psychiatrist and ADHD expert, Theresa Cerulli M.D., returns next Wednesday, February 11th at 8 PM EST.

Ask Dr. Cerulli provides you with an opportunity to ask your questions (or be a fly on the wall) as I interview a psychiatrist who doesn’t just believe in medication as the answer to treating ADHD.  Dr. Cerulli focuses on understanding the individual, and the family, and only then tailors a treatment solution that keeps the best interests of everyone in mind.

We are talking solution-focused care and support to adults, families, parents, and children whose lives are affected by ADHD.

Please join us next Wednesday, February 11th as talk about a complex condition that is often greatly misunderstood!

ADHD is NOT a condition we can just diagnose because the symptoms are present.  We need to dig down much deeper and really understand what’s going on.

I hope you’ll ask your question, and join us for this fun, relaxed 70-minute Q&A.

Last night I had the great pleasure of being involved in a health and wellness fair at a local area school.  I had been invited to be the guest speaker, to a group of parents, about anxiety in elementary school children.

It was a really fun event, and while I hope that I was able to share some insight about anxiety, the best part of the night for me was the wealth of information these parents shared with one another (and what I ultimately took away).

What was scheduled to be a 30 minute presentation, followed by 25 minutes of Q&A turned into a 30-minute presentation with almost 90 minutes of Q&A.  It was amazing.  The parents asked incredibly detailed questions, and were quite clear about what they needed.  And the best part about it was the Q&A was more of a discussion among parents.  They were actively supporting one another.

I was so inspired.

The Most Powerful Moment Of The Night

While the talk was about anxiety, as both a diagnosis and spectrum response to behavior, the focus was really on supporting children.  But you already know that about me.

Now my favorite part of the night came towards the end when one parent reached out in support to another and said, “Is your daughter happy?”

Here we were talking about the causes of anxiety, the symptoms of anxiety, how anxiety, ADHD, depression, and many other conditions share symptoms…  and this mother asked the most important question.

Last night we put aside the diagnoses and labels.

Last night we focused on how our children behave and how they were managing peer relationships and other key aspects of life.

This one mother in particular was talking about her daughter who exhibited some anxious behaviors, and who was told recently that her daughter might have an underlying depression.  No matter what this girl was experiencing…  No matter what diagnosis she might have…  The most powerful question of the night – and quite possibly overlooked question was – Is she happy?

Is your child happy?  Are my children happy?

Does that count above everything else?  I’d LOVE to hear from you!!

This mother stopped and thought hard.  She put aside the symptoms, and looked at her daughter as either being happy or not.  It was a priceless moment that made me think twice about the questions I ask my clients…  And how I even look at my own children.

Tell Us What You Think!

Have a different perspective? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

I know it can feel like it, but we don’t just wake up one day and find ourselves suddenly surrounded by struggle – stress – and frustration in any part of our lives.  Quite to the contrary, getting to these point starts with a chain of events that quite carefully lead up to the point where the straw finally breaks the camels back.

When parenting children with ADHD, many of my clients describe all the bad that happens…all the struggle, stress, and frustration that marks the day.

Part of what I do is to step away from that and look at:

What is it that your child does really well?

What does your child do that makes you happy?

If all we see is the negative, then we will never be able to get back to focusing on the positive, or effectively working on change towards the positive.

No Overnight Success

Because so many of us don’t seek help until we have reached a boiling point, it’s easy to forget that we cannot fix things overnight.  There is no magic button, even with medication, that quickly erases all the stress, frustration, overwhelm, and everything else that comes with parenting children with ADHD.

Even my clients whose children are on medication still report many of the same struggles with behavior.  They still see a lot of unwanted (and often times unappreciated) behaviors often associated with ADHD.

Here’s what I tell them every single time.

It took an awful lot to get to where things are today.  Habits have been developed.  Behaviors and expectations have been reinforced.

It’s going to take time to undue these things.

Yes, it can be done, but it won’t happen overnight.  We need to start small, and work backwards.  Think about the end result – the good that you have – and what it will take to get there.

Have a different perspective? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

Before leaving the office last night, I took a few minutes to just “shoot the breeze” with Dr. Cerulli.  Our schedules very rarely overlap, and it’s always nice to catch up and talk about things unrelated to ADHD.

Anyway, we were talking about how things are going and what both of us are juggling at a given time.  I made a comment that right now, I am juggling the following roles:

• Full Time Stay-At-Home Dad
• Part Time Advocate and Coach
• Full Time (And A Half) Entrepreneur
• Full Time Husband
• Full Time Me (Me Time)

For anyone keeping track, that’s a lot of balls in the air.  Now, please don’t confuse this with my looking for sympathy or pity.  I chose these roles, and I am very aware of the commitment and sacrifice that go with each.  But it was talking about these all at once that made me realize something very important.

How Many Roles Are You Trying To Juggle?

One of things I focus in on with my clients is trying to evaluate how many different directions or demands are pulling at us for attention…  How many different roles are they (my clients) trying to juggle?  And how effective can they be in all of them?

Most talk about ADHD focuses on the individual and the symptoms, but those of you who know me understand that ADHD is just a piece of who the person is.  On top of the challenges faced from ADHD symptoms, we all must balance multiple roles and competing demands for our time and attention.

Attention!!!

Let’s look beyond ADHD symptoms for a moment, and understand that we live a messed up, crazy world that typically places unrealistic demands on our time, energy, patience, and availability.

It’s reality…  So let it sink in for a minute.  Whether or not someone has ADHD today…attention is HUGE!!!  Attention is everything, and everyone wants a piece of it.

So what does this have to do with ADHD and Overwhelm?

I want you to consider that just maybe…you have every reason to be overwhelmed today!  And it’s okay!

The challenge – the process – what life is all about…  Figuring out how to prioritize, how to know what you should pay attention to, and when you really are overwhelmed because you should be.

I invite you to take a moment today to consider the
multiple roles you juggle in your life!

And go ahead and leave them in the comments!

Tell Us What You Think!

Have a different perspective? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE

It’s official!  President Obama has been sworn into office.

You might be wondering – what does this have to do with ADHD?

In some ways, it has absolutely nothing to do with ADHD, and yet at the same time, it has everything to do with what children with ADHD face every single day!

Watching the events leading up to the inauguration take place, I was very humbled by all the different life lessons that were taking place.  There once was a time that I believed things were supposed to happen a certain way!

There was a time when I believed that life was supposed to be linear and happen in a very scheduled, and thoughtful way.

Today’s inaguarutation is likely one of the most scripted and choreographed events in our nation.  The eyes of the world are watching, and careful planning and attention to detail has been put into place.

But It Wasn’t All Perfect…

President Obama (excited or other) needed help with his oath of office.  Chief Justice Roberts had to repeat the most important words President Obama has had to say in recent times.

And do you know what?  Even though he needed help, he is still our President.  He is still our leader, and he is still the same man we now look to for guidance and leadership.

Life Is Unscripted!

Since giving up this mindset that everything must happen a certain way, I have taken to finding lessons in everything that happens.  Today is no different, and it applies in every situation – whether it is the presidential inauguration or our own child’s performance in class.

Life Lessons Learned Today:

• Even the most scripted event is not perfect
• Careful planning takes a lot of time, energy, effort and people.
• Mistakes happen and you keep going
• Even the United States runs late…

It is perhaps this final lesson I will part on today.  According to the 20th Amendment of the United States Constitution, the new President takes office (sworn in or not) at 12 noon.

Guess what?

The United States government ran late.  No teacher, principal, parent, or other authority figure will take punish the government for being late…or making a mistake.

In fact — it wasn’t really a mistake.  It was life happnening unscripted…

One last note – As I write this post, President Obama says:

The argument is NOT whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works or not!

These are very powerful words to live by, and yes, especially for parenting children with ADHD.

Tell Us What You Think!

Have a different perspective? We love to hear from our readers. Let us know what you think about this post by leaving a comment below.

PS – Have you gotten your ADHD Essentials Audio Kit yet? Sign Up Today, it’s FREE