Advocacy: Your Best Defense Method To Help Your Child With ADHD
March 13, 2012 
9 Comments
In my role as a child and family advocate for those facing the challenges of ADHD, I am asked a lot of different questions. Sometimes, these questions get very detailed and very specific. And that’s a good thing. Because the more information and details I get, the more tailored a response I can provide.
Yet at the same time, most of my answers can often be summed up with one word.
ADVOCACY!
Question: Will My Child Ever Get Better?
Simple answer, YES, advocate!
Detailed answer: What is better? What does better look like? How do you want your child to be? More importantly, does your child have a clue about how he (or she) wants to be?
Question: Will my child change on his medication? Will he lose his unique talents, spirit, creativity, etc…?
Simple answer: Advocate
Detailed answer: It all depends on you, and your goals for treatment. ADVOCATE! If you decide to treat ADHD with medication, you need to ask yourself an important question: What are my goals for treatment? What will I consider a successful outcome to be?
I know there are some who argue that an ADHD diagnosis = ADHD medication for treatment. Some even compare the idea of being diabetic to the need for insulin, and the need for glasses if you have difficulty with eyesight.
Ok…decent argument. I get it.
But, some diabetics choose to watch their blood sugar level with diet and exercise. Some people refuse to get glasses and instead wear contact lenses (same principle…), some opt for elective surgery, while still others learn different ways to compensate (be in holding the book further away…sitting closer or further from the computer screen, and still others, opting for BIG PRINT BOOKS).
That’s a matter of personal choice… And quite possibly a debate for another post, at another time.
Now, before we get too distracted and off topic, let’s re-center ourselves. Let’s FOCUS!
Question: Will my child have to be on medication for the rest of his (or her) life?
Simple answer: Advocate!
Detailed answer: It all depends, again, on your goals for treatment and the outcomes you want for your child. Not many doctors discuss this. So…you have to advocate. You have to take the lead and be your child’s best defense, offense, and referee.
Aren’t getting the answers you want…? Ask the question a different way. OR…ask someone the question.
Not getting the support you want…? Find the right people. Ditch the bad. Go over their head.
We can go round and round with the advice I can offer, and the detailed step-by-step instructions I can lay out for your treatment plan.
But the bottom line is, you’ve got to be on board. You’ve go to have a plan. You’ve got to agree with how I see thing. And if you don’t, you have to be able to STAND UP and advocate for what you want.
At the bottom of all of this, it boils down to your support structure. Who are the people in your corner…? Better yet, who do you CHOOSE to allow to be in your corner…advocating with you?
I don’t have the answer about whether or not your child will have to be on medication for the rest of his (or her life). In this current moment, there’s no way to tell.
A good treatment plan considers the following:
Where are you now?
Where do you want to be X (days / months / years) from now?
What’s in your way?
In a lot of cases, we start off in crisis. Medication can be a good way to get a grip on a life that seems out of control.
But you must NOT stop there. Medication can and does work. But it doesn’t cure ADHD. There is NO cure for ADHD.
If you are hesitant that your child’s ADHD medications might change who your child is, then we need to evaluate what the right medication is or is NOT.
If you want ADHD medication to be a short term treatment plan, then we need to map out other strategies and treatment approaches to put in place.
It’s like setting a strong foundation.
It’s having a place to start.
It’s up to YOU where you want to go from there.
It’s NOT up to the teachers. It’s NOT up to the doctors.
It’s NOT up to your extended family.
It’s up to YOU! It’s to you and your spouse / partner and your child.
This is why you must advocate! Parenting a child with ADHD is a contact sport. And as they say in baseball, grab a glove and get in the game! Kick a little dirt at the umpire if you’re not getting your point across. Don’t be afraid of getting thrown out of the game… After all, you are the parent. You take the game outside and play street yard rules!
Excellent! I couldn’t have said it better. Once we, as parents, get the mindset that it’s all about the child and all about what our goal is we can make the tough choices – whatever that might be. The pressure received from most outside influences only causes stress and frustration . . . and maybe the question of whether we, as parents, are making the right choice for our child. It sounds a lot like peer pressure. Where do we fit in?
I totally agree.
We have had a very hard year with a 4th grade teacher claiming to be a counsellor and a Gifted ed teacher. She was a flop at both. She insulted my son. She did not communicate and was “too busy” to let me know what was going on (unless he was terrible)
The school let him down on a number of occasions. My husband went to school before Christmas and asked for a number of changes and corrections, but did not follow up after 30 days. After that school meeting, the teacher stopped emailing me reports about my son’s behavior.
It is March now. My husband says it is too late and besides school is almost over. But I say no. We have a meeting with the teacher and the principal this Thurs, but I do not know what to do. And then we will start all over next year with too much ridiculousness by teachers and admin.
I believe in advocacy. But is it a acary thing when you do nit feel like a school embraces your team effort idea.
I am sure I have the Oh THAT Mom reputation.
My son has a reputation for being super smart but a high discipline kid, I am sure.
I am really tired of having to fight, but I WILL.
My kid is worth it!
My son is in grade 4 and like his older brother he is diagnosed with adhd. He is not the same as his brother though, he has issues with reading and written output. He is more active, hates school, is fine out of school and i do not medicate him out of school. I find that when I medicate him for school he seems to cry more, gets really angry, and seems irritable. Can the ritalin cause this.
Wendy… I feel your pain I have and is still going through the same issues, hang in there. You and his dad are all the people he has on his team… he needs both of you to support him, if you don’t stand by him no one else will. It sounds as though your son is a lot like mine. We have and are still going through the same struggles that you are going through today. You are right it is not too late to start with school meetings. I would suggest bringing in next year’s teacher into the meeting as well; by doing so you can hopefully get the new teacher on board and not have to start from scratch. Also have you in writing requested an evaluation for an IEP (Individual Education Plan) or a 504 plan (it is a class room modification plan) or a behavior plan? If not, you need to do so. Once you have submitted in writing the request they have 30 school days to begin the evaluation process. My son is in the 6th grade and he has a behavior plan. He gets a score from 0 to 2, for each of his 7 classes. The “points” e earns from each class add up to earn him a pre established reward. The key to the behavior plan is your sons buy in. Alec sat down with the assistant principal the school therapist and a teacher and they established together what a 0 would equal (no work, disrupt the class, call to the office) what a 1 would equal (had to be redirected, had to have a 5 min break, did not accomplish the entire task) what a 2 looked like (stayed on task, had to be redirected no more than 2 times, completed the task that was asked of him). In regards to the emails from his teachers, I too get e-mails on a daily bases so I understand what you are feeling when you get negative emails, one right after another. Just this school year, so far I have received over 2500 negative emails this year from his teachers and they can be taxing. Just remember that he is a good kid he is not all bad keep focusing on the positive and less on the negative. Also you must remember that (even though I don’t know you) you are a great mother (You have to be a great mother because you are on here trying to find ways to help and understand your son). I require the teachers back up negative thing with a positive statement. This accomplishes three things, first It reduces the number of e-mails that they send out, it is easier to complain than it is to praise, secondly, it makes the teacher realize that he is not all bad that he does have good qualities, and thirdly it helps in the discussion process at home. When we address the negative behavior at home we can follow it up with a positive statement, it breaks down the defensive wall that he puts up when we start talking about behavior. For example, Alec did not play in band class today, so the teacher emailed me that “Alec did not play in class today”, because I require a positive statement she also included that “he sat quietly and did not disturb the class.” I can then at home ask him why he did not play and no mater his response I can follow up with I am very proud that you did not disturb the class today in Band. This helps him understand that even though he did not make the correct choice not all of his choices were bad. He is able to leave the room with a good feeling instead of a bad, he understand that I am not pleased with his choice not to play but I am proud that he at least chose to sit quietly. In regards to the school not wanting to have a team attitude towards your son education and his school administration does not seem to want to play by your rules, go above the principals head, make sure you follow the chain of command and document every time you make a request and what the outcome is. If they refuse to hold meetings or do as you ask, document it, then take your documentation up to the superintendant, if that does not get their attention then go to the school board and keep working your way up. I am almost certain that once you address the situation with the superintendant they will start playing the game by your rules. Be his ADVOCATE, be his ADVOCATE, be his ADVOCATE. Stay on top of the school I require the school to have bi-weekly meeting to discuss ways that we (the school and I) can help him be successful. I will read books about ODD, ADHD, and Aspergers, they often have great tips on how to address certain behaviors, I will also educate the teachers with this information, so there is consistency all the way around. Also one last thought, if the teacher is not keeping you up to date or informing you on things shoot her an email. If she does not respond than document that. Let me know if there is any other questions that you might have, situations that you need help navigating through, we can raise these bright and awesome children together, because if you don’t have children like our people just don’t understand.
I have a question for any one, My 11 year old that has ADHD, ODD, IED, and Aspergers diagnosis. He has recently been approved for Behavior therapy and Occupational Therapy, does anyone know what or how this therapy works or takes place?
I would like to request the writer of this article to please e-mail me. I have some questions about your role as a parent and family advocate.
Thank you…so excited to hear from you.
P.S. I love the article and couldn’t agree more with your responses.
Regards,
Cassie
My guy is now 16 and when I think of my kid and school, I get really tired…. I’ve never gotten things working any better than scraping things together at the end of the 6 weeks, helping him figure out what he needs to find or finish so he can get his grades up at the last second. If all teachers would deliver their plans online or if they would all chart grades in a timely manner or…. It’s like school has ADD, making it even tougher for my very disorganized guy to manage. I get the goal thing – you have to do it but you find yourself lessening those goals in order to have some successes. It feels like maybe we could get to some things that might create more self esteem for him, but it takes so much energy just to get him through school.
Need to make a correction to my above post, emails have totaled 250 not 2500, just noticed the extra 0…
Wendy,
I commend you for your perseverance! You go to that meeting and ask them if they are getting federal funding for their school. If they are, then tell them you are going to make such a stink about their ineptness that you will cause the school to be closed down.
Don’t back down! Stand up for your son. As already mentioned, you are his only advocate. He is counting on you even if he doesn’t tell you so.
I have had to fight for my grandson since second grade and now that he just turned 11 this month and is in fifth grade, I think the charter school he is in is finally getting it. They know I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THEIR NONSENSE OR INEPTNESS!!! And personally, I don’t care if they refer to me as “oh, that gramma.” I will fight for my grandson’s inalienable right to have access to everything he deserves with regards to an education and I DON’T CARE WHOSE TOES I STEP ON ALONG THE WAY!!!!