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7 Life Lessons Learned From Building My Kids Swing Set
By Rory Stern | July 22, 2009
Welcome back!
Here are "7 Life Lessons" I have learned just from putting together my kids swing set. Everyone else told me I was crazy, but sometimes there is more to life than having it easy or done for you…
Lesson #1 – It’s About The Experience
I learned not too long ago that I was nothing more than a passenger in my own life. I was watching other people have fun…just waiting for the day when I would have fun. Kinda laughable if you ask me? It happened on a weekend in March – when I realized that I need to take control of my own life and live in the driver’s seat.
Life is about the experience – about the journey – NOT the destination.
Lesson #2 – Some Things Only Make Sense After You Mess Up
I once heard a story about two sisters. One was a straight-A student, and the other struggled through school. Later in life, the straight-A student got easily frustrated when she faced a challenge, whereas the sister who struggled knew how to fight for what she wanted.
I made a mistake building my kids swing seet, and as I looked at that mistake, I realized there was no way around making it – unless I had put one together before.
Lesson #3 – You’ve Got To Have Fun
The day the swing set arrived, I was excited. Some people might say it was like Christmas morning. But not everyone was excited. My neighbors kept telling me I was nuts. I should hire someone to put it together – they told me.
Why on Earth they were frustrated by my own decision, I’ll never understand. But I knew differently. I saw the look in my kids eyes, and I wanted to have fun with them – and build memories we could cherish together.
Lesson #4 – Sometimes You’ve Got To Build Memories
I don’t know what else to say here. Sometimes life and the lessons we have are about building memories – moments you can cherish and look back on, knowing you made a difference, had an impact, or just had fun. It’s not always about getting it right, or doing it right like so many people (teachers, bosses, co-workers, parents) want from us.
Lesson #5 – It’s Not About Me
As I put this swing set together, I kept reminding myself – "It’s not about me." This one is for my kids. I chose to sacrifice the days and hours it has and will continue to take me to put this together. And that’s okay. I have consciously made that decision – knowing ahead of time – that this is NOT about me. This is about my kids (and in some ways, it then becomes about me).
Not everything we do or choose to do in life is about "us." Sometimes we need to get past that, and think about the joy it will bring others.
Lesson #6 – Even Plans Fall Apart (Bumps In The Road)
I’ve had so many setbacks on this project – I don’t know when I’ll finish it. I’ve had pieces break… Pieces missing… Unexpected rain ruining the manual… Kids who want to play, and neighborhood kids who want to watch and ask me 5,000 questions about why the wood is brown instead of "wood color." It happens!
Lesson #7 – It’s More Fun With Help
I am a kinda do-it-yourself guy. Whether it’s in my business or working on a project for my kids – I am perfectly fine (and usually successful) working on my own. But even though the nieghborhood kids were distracting me and frustrating me (to a degree), it was more fun having life happen around me. But what was even more – was being able to ask my wife to come outside and help. She brought our kids outside who kept getting in the way… Grabbing the tools – measuring the wood… And just having fun!
Topics: Perspective | 6 Comments »
July 22nd, 2009 at 7:53 am
Rory, the comments you made in this article are correct. We do things to build memories, and not about us all the time. The main idea is self-discipline. You may have had a bad time with the swing set, but you are also in a learning experience of how to handle situations in the future and how to help others and advise them through your experience. Sometimes we have to take the time and search for the positive in a situation. Years on down the road you will think about this and smile about the memory of the swing set. You can share this with your children and they will know through all the bad times you had with this, daddy must have really loved us to go through this secenario. Stay focused and you can accomplish things you never dreamed possible, because you are not a quitter. Keep up the good work.
July 22nd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I think it is always interesting as a fellow parent to share anecdotal experiences with others. Especially because we all know how hard it can be day to day. However I like the follow up of 7 things I learned. I don’t so much like the “I screwed up”. I don’t think you screwed up at all. I think you are an awesome dad and “person” for at least attempting to put the swingset together yourself and you undoubtedly learned a lot including being more prepared the next time you consider such a task. Most people would have paid someone else to do it vs taking a shot realizing it would not be easy. The choice of words should be geared toward the eventual long-term outcome that will indeed be success. My Mom always told me growing up that even if I failed (or was not totally successful) all that mattered was that I tried my very best! I tell my kids that same mantra every day. Don’t bother trying unless you will try your best! That might be a better title than “I screwed up”. With parents just as children, talking about the hardships/efforts we have to endure daily is our life reality. It helps then to focus on the positives and hopefully we transfer those positive thoughts and theories to our children. Just my view. And kudos to you for going for it! I am sure the kids will be even more appreciative after all the hard work you yourself put into it. That alone is a good lesson that too many kids today are not learning as so many parents hire out help for everything our parents used to do from cutting the lawn to cleaning the house. Not me and I am proud to say that my 13 year old daughter can now cut the lawn by herself when asked. In return when she begs me for some Ugg boots THIS Winter I will highly consider it despite their ridiculously high cost thanks to her great contribution to our household. I still think my kids have it much easier than I did growing up and we do everything ourselves! Enjoy that swingset! Lauren
July 22nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I really empathize with what you are going through and totally support it, although if you said you finally hired someone to put it all together, I’d respect that, too. My husband is a do-it-your-self person, and also a bit frugal, but he was daunted by the swingset job and had the people who delivered it, put it up. But either way: children love to swing. The motion of it, the delight of accomplishment, the social interactions they will have on it–the fun.
Why do people forget so much, about fun? When my kids see a swingset–and they are 11 and 15–they put down their electronic games, and run for it, and play on it.
You are building more than a swingset. You’re investing in your children’s joy and health, and fun.
As someone with ADHD, I read what you said about making the mistake, and then thinking, “How can I make this work”–and how distracted you got with all the kids around you—and I remembered how that kind of thing used to make me crazy; make me frazzled enough to feel enraged.
I don’t know what made me learn this, but I finally decided to suspend time. To say, “When you have young children, time has to go slower. It has to.” At least, it does for people who have the luxury to make their children a priority for a few precious years. You have that opportunity–that blessing—so go for it; full force!!
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Taking the Deep Breath, was certainly productive !
Guess most of us have been there, particularly us Perfectionist types!
Thankfully your children are not that aware of the whys & wherefores, hence really for us Perfectionists, we’re merely ‘over-reacting’ at our own performance, in other words, we’ve damaged our own perception of ourselves! Your children will be oblivious & shall enjoy your thoughtfulness enormously, & you’ll also enjoy their pleasure!
July 22nd, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Thanks, Rory, for reminding us what’s important: to live life fully and with grace. I especially love the part about allowing your kids to be part of the process–they will probably remember this experience for the rest of their lives! What a great gift you’ve given them!
July 28th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
kids are fun to play in our garden, so i put patio swings, it look so nice in our outside patio with plants and trees, it also serve as resting place with my kid after playing some enjoyable activities.